


abyss of being

by discordiansamba



Series: abyss of memory [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 10:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordiansamba/pseuds/discordiansamba
Summary: When you were created for one purpose, and failed at even doing that, is there still any meaning to your existence?Now given the freedom he never thought he'd have, Keith's clone is faced with that very question, and finds that there are no easy answers. Even harder is figuring out just who he is- and if he is anything more than a mere copy.





	1. home side

**Author's Note:**

> And we're back! I'm not one hundred percent certain at how many chapters this new installment will have, but I do know that it will cover until the end of season four. Which yes, means a Certain Event will be covered within the confines of this installment. Something to both look forward to and also dread, I guess, depending on your point of view!
> 
> That said, until next time~!

"So... you holding up okay?"

Glancing up at Hunk, Kethe blinked. He and Hunk had been elected to help with some heavy lifting the Olkari couldn't manage- it felt like they had been doing nothing but moving boxes and components since that morning. Right now they were on break, while the pair of Olkari who were in charge of this sector argued over schematics.

"Fine," Kethe told him, "-a little sore, but nothing I can't handle. Are you okay?"

"Mm, yeah, I'm a bit sore myself." Hunk admitted. "This seat taken?"

Shaking his head, he watched as Hunk all but collapsed on the crate next to him. Tail lazily swishing behind him, he offered the yellow paladin his canteen, which Hunk gratefully accepted, taking a long swig of water.

They were a mismatched pair, human and Galra, one in paladin armor, and the other in Blade armor. But it was fine. Hardly any of the Olkari batted an eye at him. And in turn, the refugees they brought in picked up on that.

"You know," Hunk began, "-I'm grateful that Olkarion has such a mild climate, or I'm pretty sure I would be dying right about now. It's weird. You would think I would be used to the heat, but nah."

"I don't mind the heat," Kethe observed, "-but I can't stand the cold."

"Yeah?" Hunk asked, passing his canteen back. "I always thought the Blade of Marmora's base was kind of on the cold side."

Giving him a weak smile, Kethe accepted the canteen. "Well, it's not like I grew up there."

"Hm, fair point." Hunk mused. "You know, maybe once we get some actual downtime, we can go and check out some of those desert planets that are on the Castle's star charts. There's gotta be a few that are close to Earth's."

"Downtime." Kethe echoed. "Yeah. That'll happen."

He guess now technically qualified as downtime, but everyone had been so on edge that no one had really been able to enjoy it. Besides, he didn't think it would last for much longer- there was only so long they could put their war efforts on hold, and now that the clone was awake, there wasn't much reason to keep doing it.

If anything, they should be grateful that they even found the clone when they did- now, while Zarkon was still distracted with his hunt for Prince Lotor was probably the best possible time. But if he had to be honest, part of him was almost itching to get back into the red lion again.

He hadn't even run any Blade missions lately. All he had done lately was hang around the Castle, train, and help Hunk in the kitchen- he'd like to say he'd been helping with his and Pidge's efforts to make a prosthetic for Regris, but he was frankly kind of out of his depth there. If anything, he was just there for moral support.

"Hey, it could." Hunk nudged him. "But seriously- you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm," he began, it suddenly dawning on him what Hunk meant, "-I'm fine, Hunk. Just a little anxious, I guess."

Tilting his head back to look at his tail, Hunk just arched a brow. He winced- it basically hadn't been still since yesterday. "Just a little?"

"Okay," Kethe admitted, "-maybe a lot anxious."

"Is that why you accepted this job?" Hunk asked. "You know... get you out of the Castle, take your mind off of things."

"Kind of." Kethe told him, vaguely annoyed at how easily Hunk had seen through him. "I just- I don't know, Hunk. I thought I was ready for this, but I'm not. But at the same time..."

"-you just want this to be over with?" Hunk finished, to which he nodded. "Hey, I get it."

Briefly giving Hunk a grateful smile, Kethe fixed his gaze in front, half listening to the pair of Olkari squabble. He knew Hunk had met the clone, but they hadn't actually discussed it yet. "I just... I feel like if he saw me, it'd just make things worse."

"Because you're Galra?" Hunk asked.

Nodding, he stared down at his hands, pressing his claws lightly into his palms. "I don't want him to think it's his fault."

"I mean... it's not." Hunk said. "He's a victim too."

"Well, yeah." Kethe agreed. "But he might not think of it that way."

"True." Hunk admitted. "But you can't hide from him forever. I mean... he knows you're on the Castle, so after awhile, he's probably going to start asking about you."

Humming in acknowledgment, Kethe leaned back, bringing his knees up to his chest, resting his heels on top of the crate. He was right. He knew _he'd_ be curious after awhile, and he and the clone were bound to have things in common. "I know. I just... I'm not ready yet."

"To be fair," Hunk said, "-I don't think he is either."

Yeah. Didn't surprise him. He'd had it rough. If he were in his shoes, the last thing he'd want to do right now was meet what was effectively his source material. Eventually his curiosity would probably win out, but... he seriously wouldn't blame the guy if he resented him.

"Yeah. I guess he wouldn't be." Kethe said. "On the plus side, I guess at least there's no possible way to confuse us."

"Yeah, true." Hunk said. "But uh... how do you feel about it? I mean, the fact that he's..."

"-human?" Kethe finished, one hand unconsciously toying with his braid. "I- it's fine. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Or at least, it wasn't, when he was in the pod."

Now that he was awake... that might change things, but he couldn't be sure. The affirmation the paladins had given him over the past week certainly helped, but it wasn't that easy to shake off months of self-doubt and anxiety.

It had helped, though. A lot.

"Well... you know we're here for you, right?" Hunk offered.

Looking up, Kethe felt himself smile. He did, actually. It had taken him awhile to understand it, but... he did know that. "I do. Thanks, Hunk."

"Hey, we're friends, right?" Hunk asked, before hauling himself to his feet. "Come on, we'd better get back to the grind."

Groaning, Kethe let his tail droop. "It feels like we've been moving boxes all day, and we've barely even made a dent. At this rate, we might not even finish until tomorrow."

"Hm, fair point." Hunk frowned, considering it. "Shiro's supposed to be meeting with Kolivan and the princess today, so he's out, and Regris still isn't back up to full strength... maybe we should get Lance to come and help?"

Snorting, Kethe uncurled himself, springing to his feet. "Lance's arms are basically noodles. He wouldn't even make it past the first box. He'd die."

Hunk's snort didn't exactly serve to make him any less anxious, but that was fine. Because he was right- he wasn't alone. He had people here that he could talk to, who he could rely on- and he was starting to understand just how important that was.

He'd found a place.

He'd had a place with the Blade of Marmora too, and he always would. But he'd found another- a second home. He was starting to think that it might have become that way, even if he _wasn't_ Keith Kogane- or had been, at one point. Watching Hunk's back as he spoke to the Olkari, he felt his smile grow, his expression softening.

This was his home. These people were his family.

And he'd do anything to protect it.

* * *

When they had first discovered the clone a week ago, one of the first things they had done after the paladins had been debriefed was to inform Kolivan. And while they kept him abreast of the situation, the Blade leader had been unable to come by in person, having been embroiled with a mission of his own.

But that mission was over now, and he'd been able to make time. Allura had gone ahead to the hangar to meet his shuttle, and was to escort the Blade leader to the bridge, where Shiro waited. There was a single screen on the bridge's main display, displaying video feed from the Castle's med bay.

The video feed was live, and judging from the way the clone anxiously kept looking in the direction of the camera, he knew it was there. He'd been tempted to switch the feed off several times already, but this was still better than the alternative. He didn't think he was ready to meet Kolivan just yet.

"So this is the clone that you recovered?" Kolivan inquired, causing Shiro to flinch.

Figures the leader of the Blade would be the most silent of them all. Watching out of the corner of his eye as Kolivan joined him, he gave the Galra a curt nod of his head.

"That's him." Shiro said. "Coran's giving him a full medical evaluation now. We did scans in the pod, but..."

"Those can only tell us so much." Allura finished, flanking Kolivan's side.

Furrowing his brow, Kolivan stared at the screen. There was no audio- there was the option, but he'd switched it off. The clone deserved at least _some_ measure of privacy.

"Pidge was able to pull some data from the prison's servers that we think might be relevant." Shiro began, bringing up the aforementioned data on screen, partially obscuring the video feed. "But it's all in code, and not any that we've seen before. We thought you might be more familiar with it."

Kolivan frowned, gaze tracking the symbols. "I've seen this code before."

"Do you know how to crack it?" Shiro asked. "When Pidge found it, it was hidden deep within their systems. We can't say for sure if it's related to the clone, but it's likely, given the lengths they went through to hide it."

Kolivan's gaze briefly flickered in his direction. "Unfortunately, no. But this _is_ the same kind of code that Haggar used to transmit messages from the prison ship we recovered Kethe on. Ulaz was working on cracking it, but..."

Ah. Right.

"Perhaps Pidge and her brother will have a bit more luck." Allura remarked. "They were able to crack that code from the other day."

Shiro recalled exactly what she meant, even if it felt like it was a lifetime ago. In reality, he knew that it had been less than a month since they had cracked the code that had lead them to Lotor, just in time to see his ship being attacked by multiple Galran fleets.

And to learn that Zarkon was still alive.

Needless to say, it had been a busy month.

"Perhaps," Kolivan observed, "-Ulaz was our most talented code breaker, but we may yet be of some use. I'd like to make a copy."

Allura nodded. "Of course. That is part of the reason we called you here."

Plucking a data chip from underneath his fingernail, Kolivan inserted it into the data console. Quickly downloading the information, he glanced back towards the video feed, gaze tracking the clone. "Have you found anything to indicate that he might be a threat?"

"No," Shiro said, a bit too quickly, "-nothing. We think Haggar just threw him away."

Kolivan raised a brow at the speed of his reply, but chose not to say anything. "How much does he know?"

"We have not yet questioned him in any depth." Allura observed, her gaze briefly flickering in his direction. "Shiro thought it prudent to wait."

"He's been held prisoner by the Galra since he was born." Shiro said, purposefully avoiding usage of the word _made_ , a choice which did not go unnoticed by Kolivan. "We want him to feel safe here first. Questioning him can wait."

Kolivan merely frowned at that. "I trust that you are not letting your connection with the red paladin to cloud your judgement."

"No." Shiro said firmly, the manner in which Kolivan had chosen to express that not lost on him. _Red paladin_ , not _Kethe_. "I'm not."

Kolivan held his gaze for a long moment, before he merely hummed, fixing his gaze back on the screen. "He is aware he's being recorded."

"He's aware there's cameras." Shiro noted. "I don't think he actually knows he's being watched. He's... Keith used to do that too, back when I first brought him into the Garrison. Cameras made him nervous."

Kolivan frowned. "I was under the impression that the clone was aware he was not the original."

"He is." Shiro replied. "But he still shares a lot in common with Keith. The imprisonment hasn't helped. It's why we should be working to _gain_ his trust. He's not the enemy."

"I must agree with Shiro on this one." Allura chimed in. "While he was still in the pod, I had Coran perform a number of diagnostic scans, many of which we had previously run on Keith. We found no signs of any mental interference, nor anything to suggest that Haggar might have some way of controlling him. I believe we can trust him."

"He ran away." Kolivan observed.

"Because he panicked." Shiro insisted.

Kolivan hummed a second time, watching as the clone without comment. Shiro wondered what he saw- he only knew Keith as a Galra, though Ulaz had probably forwarded the data that they had given him in regards to Keith, so he had to know what he'd looked like as a human.

He thought about how strange it was to see Keith as a Galra for the first time, and wondered if that was similar to how Kolivan felt now. When he had first seen his face in that darkened hallway... Shiro bit down on his lip, trying not to think about it.

"Where is Kethe?" Kolivan asked.

"He's down on Olkarion, with Hunk." Shiro informed him. "With the recent influx of refugees they've been getting, Ryner's been a little shorthanded."

At least within the confines of Olkarion, Keith's face was known as being their liaison to the Blade of Marmora. It didn't mean he wasn't ever hassled, but it happened a lot less than it did on other planets. He thought it was a good thing- it got Keith out of the Castle, and out amongst the general populace, and that would go a long way to convincing them that the Galra _could_ be allies.

And it was good for Keith, too. The more time he spent with other people, the more he started to open up- and he had to admit, he was proud of how far he'd come.

He just wished it hadn't involved getting his mind wiped.

"We have not yet introduced the two." Allura added. "We believe that it is a situation that calls for... delicacy."

"Delicacy." Kolivan repeated.

"He is... in a fragile place, at the moment." Allura observed. "The clone, that is. Or _x_ , as he wishes to be called. He seems to have taken to the paladins' alias for him."

Shiro frowned at that. _X_ wasn't a name, and the clone had to know that- it was a placeholder, at best. That he'd actually _asked_ to be called that was indicative of a lot of things, the least of which was the fact that no one had ever bothered to name him before now.

He wasn't sure if the clone even thought of himself as a person.

Allura was right. He _was_ in a fragile place right now.

"I will leave the matter of the clone up to your discretion." Kolivan finally said. "But keep me informed."

"Of course." Allura promised. "Now, as for the _other_ matter we called you here for... I take it that your presence here means that you were able to successfully complete your mission?"

"Just this past quintant." Kolivan informed her. "With the assistance of one of our spies, we were able to successfully execute an operation to free the planet from the Empire's control. It maintains a hospital of some magnitude, though it took significant damage during the Galra occupation."

"Do you think it can be salvaged?" Allura inquired.

"It will take some time for it to recover, but it should. The biggest challenge will be finding them a new power source, since the Galra destroyed most of its previous grid." Kolivan stated. "Once they do, it should become a valuable asset to the Coalition."

Shiro listened with half an ear, taking the chance to switch off the feed from the med bay. If they were done discussing the clone, then as far as he was concerned, there was no further need to continue to violate his privacy.

Nobody objected.

* * *

He'd lost count of the number of times that he had glanced in the direction of the camera. He didn't know if it was even really a camera. It could have just been some kind of a wall decoration, but he wasn't taking his chances.

He knew it shouldn't bother him. But it did.

"Almost done, lad." Coran informed him.

Biting on his lip, he gave the Altean a quick nod. The faster they got this exam over with, the better. He understood why it was necessary, but he just couldn't calm down. Just being in here made his skin crawl, even if the Castle's medical ward was a far cry from the dimly lit cell he was used to.

It was so bright, that it actually hurt his eyes. He knew he could probably ask Coran to dim the lights, but even considering the question made him feel guilty. He'd just have to get used to it.

The paladins had given him freedom. What more could he possibly ask for?

"Now," Coran began, "-I _am_ afraid that I'll be needing a blood sample."

He flinched. Memories- both his own and those that belonged to the original- flashed through his head. They'd both had unpleasant experiences with needles, so he approached the idea of getting his blood drawn with a certain level of dread.

Honestly, he didn't want it to happen at all. But his opinion didn't matter, so he just nodded his head, sticking out his arm and holding his breath.

Coran frowned, studying him. "If you're nervous..."

"I'm fine," he cut him off, "-just get it over with."

The Altean stared at him for a moment longer, before he let out a faint sigh. At the sight of the needle, he felt himself tense, unconsciously welding his eyes shut. He still felt it when it pricked his arm, what should have been a tiny pinch feeling instead like an electric shock. He had to bite down on his lip, trying to convince himself that it was all in his head.

It was only when Coran told him that he was done, that he let himself breathe.

Opening his eyes, he glanced up towards the maybe camera again. For the umpteenth time, he caught himself wondering if it really was a camera, and if anyone was watching.

It was fine. He got it if they were. He wouldn't trust him either. But it still made him nervous.

"There you are," Coran gave his knee a pat, and he felt himself bristle at the touch, but didn't say anything, "-all done. If I notice any anomalies, I'll be sure to let you know."

Frowning, he rubbed his knee where Coran had touched it, watching as the Altean filed away his blood sample. _Anomaly_ , he'd said- like his whole existence wasn't one fucked up anomaly already.

He watched Coran work in silence. He hadn't told him he could leave, so he just assumed that meant he couldn't. It took the Altean a few minutes, but once he turned around again, he nearly jumped out of his skin, clearly not expecting to still see him there.

"You're still here?" Coran asked.

"I- you didn't say I could leave." He said, feeling a bit dumb.

Oh. Right. He should have known. He just... he wasn't exactly good at making independent decisions. He almost wished he were more like the original in that regard- it wasn't like he _wanted_ to just do what he was told, but he'd learned early on that sometimes the best way to survive was to just shut up and do as he was instructed.

In spite of everything, he didn't actually want to die.

Coran frowned, tugging his mustache in consideration. "If you don't mind me saying," he began, "-it seems an awful lot like you don't quite know what to do with yourself."

Brow furrowing, he just gave the man a nod. It wasn't like he'd ever been _free_ before. Now that he was, he didn't know how to handle it.

It felt... wrong, almost. Like he didn't deserve it.

He knew that Haggar had made him with a purpose in mind- a purpose that he had been unable to fulfill. He couldn't pretend to be someone he wasn't, and she didn't want someone who pretended anyways. She wanted someone who _believed_.

He'd been a failure. Just a copy that couldn't even serve his purpose- which made him useless. Without that purpose, what reason did he even have to exist?

Coran was still waiting for an answer, he sensed. He wasn't impatient, didn't rush him- and he kind of wished he _did_. If he didn't respond in a timely fashion to his captors, they would withhold food, sometimes water from him- he suspected that they had been given orders from Haggar to not hurt him, but everything else was fair game, apparently.

They'd loathed him.

He wasn't dumb enough to think any of the paladins actually _liked_ him, or even cared about him. But they tolerated him, maybe even pitied him. It made them kind, a testament to how good they were.

He had no experience with _goodness_.

It almost made him wish they were cruel. At least he knew how to respond to that.

"You know," Coran began, "-if there's something on your mind, you can always talk to old Coran here. Not to toot my horn, but I've been told in the past that I give pretty good advice."

"I," he began, only to quickly shut his mouth, "-no, it's nothing. You're right. I should go. Sorry."

Ducking out of the med bay before he could hear what Coran had to say in response, he tried not to think. Hurrying down the hall, he made his way to the elevator, pressing his hand against the access panel, waiting for it to blare red, tell him that he was denied- only for it to flash green instead, letting him in.

Slipping inside, he had to use the wall to steady himself. Groaning, his head swam, vision blurring- but he shook it off, taking in a long breath. Right. Quick movements were bad. He kept forgetting that.

Exhaling, he leaned back against the wall, briefly folding his arms in front of him. The second he realized what he was doing, he awkwardly dropped them to his sides. He even had habits ingrained into him from the original- that just didn't seem fair.

He wished they would just take these memories out of his head and be done with it already. At least then he wouldn't have to suffer. Sure, he'd be left with nothing but the time he'd spent as a Galra prisoner, but would that really be so bad? Having _any_ memories of his own, even bad ones, almost seemed like it was more than he deserved.

He just... he didn't know. He didn't know what he wanted.

Just a week ago, he'd thought he'd die in prison. And now he was here, on the Castle of Lions, surrounded by people he did and didn't know, granted the one thing he thought he'd never have the chance to experience for himself- freedom.

And it was already turning him into a damn _wreck_.

* * *

"Ah, Shiro," Coran said, "-if you're looking for x, he just left."

Stepping into the med bay, Shiro gave the Altean a weak smile. "I take it you already finished his exam, then."

He'd been hoping to catch him before he left, but it looked like he was out of luck. His meeting with Kolivan and the princess had run a bit over, but there had been a lot to discuss- with Zarkon distracted with his pursuit of Lotor, now was the best chance for them to strike. But in order to do that, first they had to grow the Coalition, otherwise they wouldn't stand a chance.

Matt had hooked them up with several rebel networks, which definitely helped, but it only made a dent into what they would actually need in order to plan a full scale offensive of any kind against the Galra.

It looked like more air shows were in order. Lance would probably be happy about that.

"That I did." Coran told him. "Just going over the results now. I took a blood sample, so I'm checking it over for any irregularities."

"Everything fine so far?" Shiro asked.

"For the most part." Coran noted. "As one might expect, several phoebs worth of malnourishment took their toll on the poor lad, even if the healing pod dealt with the worst of it. But with time, and Hunk's carefully plotted meal plan, of course," he added, "-I have confidence that he'll make a full recovery."

Shiro wasn't going to pretend he didn't feel a little relived to hear that. There was a lot of work ahead of them, but it was good to hear Coran sounding so optimistic.

"On the other hand..." Coran's expression faltered, "-that's only in terms of the _physical_."

Shiro's face fell. Yeah. He'd kind of expected that.

"How bad is it?" Shiro asked.

"I'll be honest with you, Shiro." Coran told him. "It's bad."

Heaving a sigh, he dug his right hand into his forelock, shutting his eyes. He kind of wished Adam were here- he'd helped him out a lot when it came to Keith, so he could really use his help here. Because right now, Shiro didn't even know where to _start_.

He felt like he should, but frankly, he didn't.

"Thanks, Coran." Shiro said weakly. "I can handle it from here."

"Actually," Coran began, "-I'm not so sure that's such a good idea."

Shiro frowned, staring at Coran blankly. "What do you mean?"

"You and Number Four were close, yes?" Coran asked.

"I... yeah." Shiro frowned, trying not to let the use of the word _were_ sting. They were still close, just... not as much as they had been before. Keith had Regris for that now. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Why, everything!" Coran exclaimed. "Especially since I suspect that you've been spending these past few phoebs avoiding dealing with your own feelings towards Number Four's memory loss."

Opening his mouth to protest that, Shiro quickly shut it. He hated to admit it, but Coran wasn't wrong.

"It's just... there's never been any time." Shiro told him, and he knew that was a weak excuse the moment it left his mouth. But that was okay. He had better ones. "And the other paladins, they're just... they're just _kids_ , Coran. They're already dealing with enough, they don't need to deal with my issues on top of dealing with Zarkon and the Galra Empire."

And talking about it with Keith was just out of the question.

"Well," Coran began, "-I've got time. Quite a bit of it, in fact."

Frowning, Shiro shifted on his feet. It wasn't like he had _never_ talked about it- there had been that time with the princess, and the time with Matt. Except... now that he thought about, on both occasions, he'd only actually talked about it because he'd basically been cornered by them.

He'd never just... _talked_.

"How about it?" Coran asked. "We could even crack open a bottle of nunvill, if you like."

"I'll have to pass on the nunvill." Shiro said.

"Ah, well, suit yourself." Coran said. "I take it you _do_ want to talk, though."

"I- you're right, it might help." Shiro admitted.

If he went into this with unclear, muddled feelings, the only thing he'd end up doing was hurting the clone. And he deserved more than that. So did Keith, for that matter.

"Well, come on then," Coran told him, pulling out a chair, "-have a seat."

Giving him a weak smile, he took the seat Coran offered. "You're right. Keith and I _were_ close. But that's... changed, ever since he came back. _Keith's_ changed."

It was fine. It was fine that Keith had changed. He had grown so much over the past few months, opening up to the other paladins in ways that he could have never imagined. It finally felt like he'd found his place among them. He couldn't have been more proud of him.

That was the truth.

But it was also a lie.

It was a lie, because there was still some awful part of him that just couldn't- _wouldn't_ \- accept this. It had nothing to do with Keith being Galra. That didn't matter.

"I just- he's _gone_ , Coran." Shiro finally admitted. "Keith's gone."

What that awful, ugly part of him couldn't accept wasn't the fact that Keith was Galra- but that he was Keith _at all_.

"I keep telling myself that I need to accept this." Shiro said. "But I can't. Not completely. Keith was like a brother to me, and it's like... it's like he's been replaced, but I'm the only one who even notices. And I can't even be mad at the replacement, because _he_ doesn't notice it either."

"So I just have to grin and lie through my teeth," he continued, "-and pretend that everything is fine when it's _not_ fine. My brother is gone, and I can't even mourn him because he's not actually _dead_. Just... gone."

"And I shouldn't feel this way." Shiro said. "I know I shouldn't. It's selfish and ugly, and not reflective of the kind of person I should be, but I can't help it. It just won't go away."

"And believe me," he finished, "-I've tried."

God, had he ever tried. But the feelings stuck.

He shouldn't be like this. He knew that. This _wasn't_ him- he wasn't this sort of person. He wasn't selfish, or bitter, and god, he didn't actually resent Kethe- not even close. Maybe he wasn't the same Keith that he had known, but he was still Keith, and he was still important to him.

But he did. Some part of him _was_ like that.

Maybe it was something in him that had snapped after Kerberos. Maybe it had been in him all along. He didn't know. It didn't matter.

All that mattered was that there was some part of him that hated Keith.

But now it was over and done with. He'd said it. It was out there, and he couldn't take any of it back. He realized that he hadn't looked at Coran even once since he'd begun speaking, essentially just dumping out negative feeling after negative feeling on the Altean, all of which he'd listened to without uttering a single complaint.

He'd expected him to look disgusted, _revolted_. He was the black paladin, the leader of Voltron. He was supposed to be _in command at all times_ , not... not whatever _this_ was.

But instead, he just looked... contemplative. Considerate. _Understanding_.

He didn't know if that was better.

"That's an awful lot to have been keeping in, all this time," Coran finally said, "-but I'm glad that you chose to confide in me."

Exhaling, Shiro realized that he felt... _lighter_ , somehow. Like the ugly feelings that had twisted up in his stomach had begun to dissipate. Before, they had just twisted up tighter whenever he touched on the issue, but now... now it felt like he could finally breathe.

Oh.

That was it. He'd told someone, so now the burden had been lessened. It was so simple, yet he'd failed to realize it.

"I... me too, actually." Shiro admitted, giving him a weak smile. "I guess I should thank you for hearing me out. That... couldn't have been easy."

"I believe you Earthlings have a phrase you like to use for that," Coran said, "-something about demons?"

"We all have our own demons?" Shiro guessed.

"Ah yes, that's the one." Coran nodded. "It's not the demons that matter, but whether you choose to let those demons define you. And you, Shiro, are a great deal stronger than your worst demons."

"I don't feel that way." Shiro admitted.

"Ah, that's what they like to trick you into thinking." Coran assured him.

He wasn't entirely certain he bought that, but the sentiment was nice.

Coran seemed to pick up on his skepticism. "Let me put it this way. If you were given the chance, right now, to get _your_ Keith back on the condition that Kethe were to be erased, would you take it?"

Jerking his head up, Shiro's eyes went wide. "Wha- no!"

He did want Keith back, but that didn't mean he wanted to erase Kethe. That wasn't fair. He had just as much right to exist as anyone else.

"There, you see?" Coran said. "If you were really so awful, you would have said yes."

Shiro blinked, opening his mouth to say that they had no way to know that for sure- only to close it. He... he was right, actually. His kneejerk reaction to even the mere _idea_ had been to shut it down without even so much as considering it.

"Huh," he frowned, "-maybe you're right."

Letting out another long breath, Shiro leaned back in his chair. That might not be the only thing Coran was right about. Maybe he _wasn't_ the best choice for helping the clone. After everything he had been through, he deserved someone who could actually separate him from Keith- and he wasn't confident that he could do that.

Maybe _that_ was what Matt had been trying to get through to him.

He'd never... the thought of using the clone as a replacement for Keith had _never_ occurred to him. Whatever other twisted, ugly feelings he had kept inside of him, that hadn't been one of them. There had been frustration- _anger_ even, that there was another person out there, wearing Keith's face when Keith was gone.

He wasn't angry at the clone. No- that anger was directed solely towards Haggar.

"So," Shiro began, clearing his throat, "-if I'm not the best choice- and you're right, I'm not- who is? Hunk? Pidge, maybe?"

"Actually," Coran began, "-I was wondering if you could leave x to me."

Shiro blinked at that. "You?"

It wasn't that he had a problem with it, it just kind of took him by surprise.

Tugging on the edge of his mustache, Coran hummed. "I could use an extra hand around the Castle, and I think having some kind of purpose might do the lad good."

That was a good point. He hated using Keith as a basis for the clone's behavior, but he knew for a fact that Keith was the kind who tended to drift without a purpose. It wasn't unreasonable to expect that the clone might be the same way.

If not worse. Grimacing, Shiro realized that there was a real chance he might regard himself as a failure. Coran was definitely right- the faster they gave him some kind of purpose, the better it would be for him, even if it was just helping out around the Castle.

"Yeah," Shiro nodded, "-that sounds like a plan. I'll tell the others."

Getting to his feet, Shiro paused, a slight frown on his face, a sudden thought popping into his head. "Did he say anything?"

Coran blinked. "About?"

"If he knew he was Galra or not." Shiro told him.

Understanding dawning on his features, Coran mirrored his frown. "He didn't mention it, no. He did allow me to take a blood sample, but it's possible that he's been conditioned to not refuse what people ask of him- or I suppose given his past history, _demand_ would be a more apt word. Thankfully, I think that's more due to trauma than anything that's actually up here."

Coran tapped his head to further indicate what he meant. "I can say that he certainly didn't _want_ to have his blood drawn, but I suspect that may have to do more with a fear of needles than it does anything else."

Shiro grimaced. Keith had never liked needles, and his clone probably had even less reason to like them.

"Well, either way, we should probably find out if he does know." Shiro told him. "It might save us a lot of time if he does."

"I'll see what I can find out." Coran assured him.

"Thanks, Coran." Shiro told him. "I- for everything."

"Oh, think nothing of it." Coran said. "I used to hear Alfor out all the time. Used to be my job, you know. Advisor."

It was a testament to Coran's strength that his expression barely even faltered as he brought up the past. He didn't doubt that he was hurting, but he never showed it the same way Allura did.

"King Alfor sounds like he was lucky to have you." Shiro told him.

"Ah, well," Coran said, "-I'd like to think so too."

He didn't just think it. He knew it. Maybe it often went without notice, but Shiro had never failed to miss the way that Coran held this place together, often without compliant.

If Voltron had an unsung hero, it was most definitely Coran.

* * *

Letting out a long groan, Kethe collapsed on the couch, barely able to get his tail out of the way in time to avoid smushing the whole of it. He'd spent the entire day moving boxes, and his muscles were already starting to punish him for it. He'd probably be sore for awhile.

At least he was better off than Hunk- or _Lance_ , for that matter, who had came to join them around lunch, and had promptly strained his shoulder. Pidge had to accompany him back to the ship, and odds were, he was probably sulking somewhere with a heating pad stuck to his shoulder still.

Still, he was exhausted. He had been fighting the urge to take a nap since around noon, in part because he didn't want to leave Hunk to finish their task alone, and in part because... yeah, he was kind of avoiding the Castle at the moment. It was just... what if he ran into the clone, ruined everything?

He didn't think it would happen, but what if it did?

Even so, he barely looked up as the doors to the lounge slid open. Didn't matter. He knew whose scent that was.

"Tire yourself out?" Regris asked, stooping over where he lay. "It is easy to forget you are still but a babe."

"Shut up," Kethe mumbled- he might be tired, but he was not about to let that slip by him, even if he knew Regris didn't really mean it, "-I'm not that young. Hauling stuff around takes different muscles than fighting, that's all."

That earned him a chuckle, Regris hauling him up into a sitting position. He went limp in his grip, tail flicking behind him. The older Blade had begun to adjust to the loss of his own, but it was clear that for Regris, its loss would be difficult to fully recover from. He might never be able to return to the battlefield.

He knew it had to affect him, but he never let it show.

"You should not sleep in your armor." Regris observed, unhooking his chest plate, hauling it over his arms and setting it aside. "Try this instead."

He dumped something into Kethe's lap, causing him to slowly blink. The familiar red leather of his jacket caught his eye, and he tugged it on without a protest, before collapsing back onto the couch, on his side this time, to the relief of his tail. He debated taking off the gauntlets, but frankly couldn't be bothered.

Yeah. That was better.

Closing his eyes, his tail flicked behind him, the only sign that he was still awake. "You seen him?"

"You mean your clone?" Regris asked. "No."

Making a faint hum, Kethe dimly wondered if he should have made the trek to his own room to nap, just in case. Too much effort, he quickly decided. The lounge was closer to the kitchen anyways, and dinner was in less than a varga.

"Probably for the best," he mumbled, "-wouldn't want to spook him."

He didn't even have to look to know that Regris was making a show of preening. He just knew. "I have been known to be quite intimidating."

"Only until you open your mouth," Kethe observed, cracking an eye open, "-and you reveal the fact that you're actually just a nerd. You're as bad as Pidge, I swear."

"You wound me with your human insults." Regris declared, lying through his teeth. "Though I cannot say being compared to the green paladin is entirely unflattering."

Kethe snorted at that. He shouldn't have been, but he was still surprised to see how well the two of them had hit it off- and it wasn't just Pidge either. He was still sore about Regris dragging him off to see Matt back when he had been trying to hide from him, but he guessed that was probably when the two of them had started hitting it off.

Closing his eyes, he shifted a bit, draping his tail over his legs. Regris went silent, save for the sound of his breathing, steady and rhythmic. He felt his own breathing change to match, slowly but surely lulling him to sleep.

But he didn't quite drift off just yet.

"I never thanked you."

Regris frowned. "For what?"

"For telling me to stay." Kethe told him.

"You did, though." Regris told him. "Right after I told you to."

"Yeah, but..." Kethe frowned a little at that, cracking one eye open, peering up at the Blade. "It's not the same. So... thanks."

Regris just smiled, the expression no more than the faintest curl at the edge of his lips. "You are happy here."

"Mm," closing his eye, he let out a loud yawn before replying, "-yeah. It's nice."

Regris simply made a low hum, content to lapse back into silence.

Just before he let himself drift off, he couldn't help but think how nice it would be if the clone could one day feel the same way. He really hoped he could.

Home was a nice thing to have.


	2. olkarion side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did he think? His breath caught in his throat, leaving him unable to form a proper response. Instead, he just stared out onto the vast city, gleaming in the bright sun, its central pillar rising high up above everything else. Beyond it, he could see forests, mountains... things he only knew from knowledge that wasn't his.
> 
> He loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I had a lot of fun writing this one! That said, wow, it's just about a week until season eight comes out... I hope they start putting up clips of it next week. I'm definitely excited that it looks like Haggar/Honerva is going to be the endgame villain, because it always feels like there's a dearth of female major antagonists just in general.
> 
> That said, until next update!

He didn't expect to see Coran again so soon.

Or _anyone_ , for that matter. Since that one time in the kitchen, he'd been trying to avoid leaving his room. The paladins had quickly taken to leaving food outside his door, but he hadn't actually had any interactions with them since then. If it hadn't been for Coran coaxing him out for his medical exam, he never would have left it yesterday.

It was better if it stayed that way, he reasoned. For all of them.

So to see Coran standing in his doorway... well, it took him by surprise. Instantly, he felt a touch of worry, wondering if maybe something had come back in the medical results that he should be concerned about. Wouldn't surprise him- he was a clone, after all. Maybe the reason Haggar hadn't bothered to kill him outright was because she knew he'd just start to deteriorate on his own after awhile.

"Coran, wha-"

"Brought you your breakfast!" Coran chirped, hoisting up the tray. It didn't exactly alleviate his concerns- the paladins and the Alteans alike were kind, so maybe he was just trying to reduce the blow of his impending death.

"Um... thanks." He frowned, barely able to pull off his covers in time before Coran thrust the tray towards him. He carefully took it, setting it in his lap. It was some kind of oatmeal, and the aroma already had his mouth watering. Turned out Hunk's cooking was just as good as his not-memories made it out to be.

Then again, he probably wasn't exactly the best frame of reference. Compared to the gruel he was served while imprisoned, he was pretty sure that even the Castle's food goo would taste like a delicacy.

(Not that he had any experience with the food goo himself. He was relying on his not-memories here.)

"Ah, think nothing of it!" Coran told him. "You know, you're more than welcome to come down and eat with us, if you wish."

He swallowed at that. "Thanks, but I'm fine."

As far as he was concerned, the best thing he could do was keep to himself. Staying confined to his room wasn't so bad if it was his own choice, and besides, the quarters he had so generously been given were a vast improvement over his previous living situation. He hadn't even had a toilet in that cell.

"Ah, well, if you're sure." Coran said.

He frowned, looking up at the Altean. "So... why are you here, exactly? Is it about the test results?"

"Negative, your results came back fine." Coran told him- and in spite of himself, he let out a breath of relief. Sure, slowly wasting away on the Castle at least sounded better than slowly wasting away in prison, but if given the choice, he honestly didn't want to die.

He... didn't really know what he wanted beyond that, but since he was alive, he'd like to maybe at least _try_ to stay that way. Everything else he could figure out later.

But it still made Coran's presence here more confusing. "So... do you need to run more tests?"

"That would be a negative." Coran told him. "Come on now, eat up. We don't have all day."

He blinked. Then blinked again. "Um...?"

But Coran just looked at him expectantly, so it was all he could do to block out his presence. He didn't know how much of his breakfast he could actually eat, but he was hungry, and he'd been without a steady supply of food for too long to turn down anything he was offered.

It tasted just as good as it smelled.

In spite of that, he still only managed to eat about half of it. He wasn't exactly _full_ , but he knew that if he took another bite, he'd regret it. Setting down his spoon, he looked up at Coran, giving the man what he hoped was some kind of smile, if not a weak, incredibly awkward one.

That was what he was supposed to do in this kind of situation right? Smile? Fuck if he knew. He didn't exactly have a whole lot of basis for social interaction, and what he _did_ know came from someone who likewise also didn't have a ton of basis for social interaction, even if he did have more life experience than he did.

It would help, he thought, if Keith Kogane hadn't been such a _recluse_.

"Thanks," he said weakly, "-it was good."

"I'll be sure to pass the message on to Number Two!" Coran remarked, taking the tray from him. "Now, while I take this back down to the kitchen, you get yourself ready. We've got a busy day ahead of us!"

He opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but didn't get the chance. Coran had already left. Staring at where he had just been a second ago, he closed his mouth, wondering if he'd maybe missed an internal memo or something.

Shaking his head, he resolved not to worry about it. Maybe Coran just intended to put him to work. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but at least it would give him something to do, and keep him from feeling like such a freeloader.

Clambering out of bed, he avoided looking in the mirror, taking a quick shower. He wasn't sure how long it would take for Coran to come back, but he didn't want to be caught with his pants down. He washed and changed at record speed- though to be fair, this was basically the third shower he'd had in his entire life, so there wasn't much of a record to break.

He fussed with his hair a bit, as much as he could without looking in the mirror. He knew he needed to deal with the mats at some point, but at least it was cleaner than it had been since, well... ever. That was an improvement, right?

Tugging at the end of his tunic, he had learned it was traditional wear from a planet called _Olkarion_. That was where they were right now, he supposed, not that it made any difference to him- he had no plans to leave his room, much less to leave the ship. The leggings were Altean, pulled from the clothing stores. There hadn't exactly been any shoes provided in the clothing heap, and he hadn't asked for them yet.

It was fine. The Castle's floors could be so cold, that they made his toes curl, but it was fine. Clean clothes that weren't his prison rags were more than he could ask for. He didn't mind being barefoot.

He scratched idly at one of his hands. They felt bare, but that was just the not-memories at work. He tried to ignore it.

Just when he thought that maybe Coran wasn't actually come back, the Altean returned. Giving him a quick look over, he beamed, nodding his head, seemingly pleased. "Ah, there we are! Now, come along!"

He bit his lip, fidgeting with the edge of his tunic, but he gave the Altean a curt nod. He should probably ask where they were going, but he had already resigned himself to doing whatever it was Coran wanted him to do.

Or at least, he'd _try_. He was pretty sure he was in no condition to do any heavy lifting, but Coran knew that just as well as he did. Maybe better.

Instead, he just fell into step behind Coran. Maybe his not-memories were just inconsistent, but it felt a lot like he was walking slower than usual. He briefly considered the idea that Coran might be trying to match his slightly halting pace, but quickly dismissed it. There wasn't that much need to be considerate of him.

At best, he was just a tool, and one without a purpose at that. In that light, he supposed he should be grateful that Coran was giving him something to do.

They boarded the elevator together, and he noted, not for the first time, that the room he had been given wasn't on the same residential floor as the paladins. He supposed he should be grateful for that too- maybe if he ever got a bit stir crazy at being tucked away in his room all the time, he could at least extend his area out into the hall.

The rest of the Castle was out of the question, however. Not unless someone was asking him to leave, like Coran was now. Maybe he wasn't a prisoner, but he wasn't going to let himself be fooled into thinking he was a _guest_. He wasn't. He didn't know what he was, just... not that.

"So," Coran piped up, and he blinked, not expecting it, "-feeling alright today, lad?"

Nodding his head, he stared down at the floor. It wasn't concern, he told himself. They just wanted to make sure he'd stay alive until they could figure a way to get Keith's memories out of him. That was all.

Coran merely hummed, and he kind of wished he'd said something instead. The silence felt awkward- or at least, it did to him. He chanced a look towards Coran, quickly noting the fact that he didn't seem to be bothered at all.

But then again, he never did. Or at least, that's how he remembered it. Sort of.

He fought back the urge to sigh. Having memories that weren't his was really tiresome. He prayed that the princess could figure out some way to get them out of him quickly.

He trailed behind Coran with some hesitation after the elevator deposited them on the Altean's chosen floor. Frowning, he tried to get a grip on his surroundings- which, fine, maybe there were at least a _few_ benefits to having someone else's memories.

"Uh, Coran?" He began after a moment. "Where are we?"

It looked a lot like they were on the Castle's lowest floor, but that didn't make any sense. As far as he knew, the only thing that was down here was the transport pod that deposited them planetside. At least- as far as he knew. It wasn't like he had ever personally been on the Castle of Lions himself before, so it was entirely possible that there were places where his not-memories weren't complete.

He could only know what Keith knew, after all.

"The Castle's lowest floor!" Coran remarked, confirming his suspicions. "Strange. I thought you would have known that."

"Well... yeah." He frowned, seeing no reason to deny it. "I just don't know why you brought me here."

"Well that's because you'll be accompanying me down to Olkarion!" Coran remarked.

He blinked. Then blinked again.

"Olkari- the planet?" He asked.

"Why of course!" Coran told him. "I've got some business with Ryner that needs attending too."

Brow furrowing, his hand strayed to the edge of his tunic again, turning over the material in his hands. He still didn't understand why Coran would need him for that- or why they were even letting him off the ship. Weren't they afraid that he might try to run away? He had before.

He wanted to ask, to point that out. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because at the same time as the thought filled him with apprehension, he couldn't deny that there was... well, excitement at the prospect of visiting this _Olkarion_.

Between the witch's research ship, the prison satellite, and the Castle, he'd spent his entire life on spaceships. He had memories of being on planets before- Earth, Arus, and the Balmera, if you could count that, but he'd never actually been on one himself.

He had no idea if it was a good idea or not.

But he still trailed after Coran, getting into the transport pod with some apprehension. His gaze darted about, unsure of where to look. He didn't know what to expect from Olkarion- in his not-memories, Keith had never been here, so he had virtually no knowledge of what was to come.

It almost excited him.

Sure, Keith had probably visited since then, but _he_ never had. _He_ didn't know. And that was... well, not to sound like a broken record, but he didn't know what to make of it. Just that it excited him.

_Excitement_ was another thing he had no familiarity with, but unlike _kindness_ , he found it a bit easier to deal with. At least he could keep it to himself.

When the pod opened, the first thing he registered was how _bright_ it was. Welding his eyes shut, he let out a faint hiss. He could hear Coran make a small noise of concern, but he ignored it. He'd be fine- he just needed a little time to adjust. He'd spent most of his time in a darkened Galra prison cell, so his eyes had adjusted accordingly.

Slowly but surely, he cracked one open. It took a few tries, but eventually, his eyes adjusted to the bright light. _Natural_ light, some part of him supplied, reminding him that he'd only ever had exposure to artificial light. He could feel its warmth on his body, stirring something deep within his heart, bringing back memories of-

No. He shook them off. That was wrong. Those weren't- they were real, sure, it was just that none of them were _his_. Not staying up until the crack of dawn on New Year's Eve with Shiro, sitting on the roof of the Garrison, or watching the sun rise with his father on Christmas morning.

Those weren't for him.

He swallowed the thoughts back, taking a tentative step out of the pod. The ground was warm under his feet, but not unbearably so- he realized it was some kind of metal, probably alien in origin, since, well... that was where they were. In space.

Though considering he had been _made_ in space, he guessed he technically qualified as an alien too- even without the Galra blood in his veins.

"Well?" Coran asked. "What do you think?"

What did he think? His breath caught in his throat, leaving him unable to form a proper response. Instead, he just stared out onto the vast city, gleaming in the bright sun, its central pillar rising high up above everything else. Beyond it, he could see forests, mountains... things he only knew from knowledge that wasn't his.

He _loved_ it.

He didn't know what the name was of the feeling that stirred in his heart. Whatever it was, it wasn't something he'd had a chance to experience before.

"Ah yes," Coran hummed, taking his silence as a response in and of itself, "-it is quite nice, isn't it? But if you think this is a sight, just wait until you see how far the Balmera has come! Why, it's almost back the way I remember it in my youth."

He blinked, staring up at Coran. He was rattling off some story about his grandfather, but he didn't pay it much mind. All he could focus on was the way he had said that- like... like it had been the plan all along to _include_ him.

He forced himself to look away. That was... that was too much. He couldn't handle that.

"Something wrong?" Coran inquired.

Shaking his head, he didn't dare look up. "I'm fine. What did you... what did you need help with?"

"Ah that, yes," Coran began, tugging at one end of his mustache, "-well, like I said, I've got some business with Ryner that I need to attend to."

"Okay," he frowned- he didn't know who _Ryner_ was, but okay, "-but why do you need _me_?"

"How are you with children?" Coran suddenly asked.

"I've... never met one?" He answered helplessly.

Coran just frowned. "Ah, well, it'll have to do. Come along now!"

Chewing on his lip, he hesitated for a second- before he hurried to catch up with Coran's stride. The second he did, he slowed it back down again, matching his speed. So it _was_ on purpose, some part of him recognized.

As they made their way through the Olkarion city, he fidgeting with his sleeve, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. He tried to keep his gaze fixed to the ground in front of him, but it kept straying, taking note of the vast diversity of alien species that passed. The most common type, the hairless ones that looked like that had some kind of eyebrow antennae, had to be the Olkari, but there were so many different kinds here, none of which he recognized.

Which he guessed wasn't all that surprising, but still.

Some of them paused to look at him, but none of their gazes lingered long. It was still long enough to make him uncomfortable, wondering if any of them realized how much he looked like Voltron's red paladin. The thought made him sick, and he suddenly wished he hadn't left the Castle after all.

"Almost there!" Coran cheerfully reported.

Nodding, he fixed his gaze on the ground properly now. He didn't dare look back up until they reached the central pillar, and then he couldn't help it- following it up and up, until he nearly lost his footing- and would have, if Coran hadn't noticed and caught him just before he did.

"Careful there." Coran warned him, helping him stand back upright again. "Can't have you falling over. Still a bit fragile, I'm afraid."

He didn't need the reminder. It was kind of hard to miss the skinny wrists and lack of any proper muscle tone. It made him feel weak and vulnerable, and he didn't like it.

He let Coran lead him inside, trying not to let his gaze stray too much. They loaded into a thankfully empty elevator, Coran humming a jovial tune in a way that reminded him of elevator music. He had to bite back a snort, wondering if the Alteans even _had_ a concept of elevator music.

"Ah, here we are!" Coran said, as the doors opened up.

Following behind him, he risked letting his gaze stray. There were any number of rooms lining the corridor, each with big windows. They looked like... the closest thing he could compare it to were classrooms, maybe. Coran finally came to a stop in front of one, pressing his hand against the access panel.

At once, he was greeted by noise. Children, a lot of them, with only two very hassled looking adult Olkari to keep them company. The relief in their eyes when they spotted Coran told a story of its own.

"Please tell me you have brought reinforcements." One said, when they managed to break away from the children that had flanked their heels.

"As a matter of fact, I have!" Coran declared, and he suddenly realized he meant _him_.

First they were letting him off the ship, and now they were letting him deal with _children_? He didn't get it. He was a clone, created by the enemy, and they were just... letting him do whatever, basically. It didn't feel right.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut short by Coran's exuberant hair ruffle. He tensed at the touch, his scalp almost seeming to _burn_ \- but strangely, it wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

"Well it's about time." The Olkari remarked. "What's your name?"

He didn't exactly have a name. But he couldn't say that. "It's uh... it's x."

The Olkari merely inclined its brows, casting a look that could only be skeptical over towards Coran. "He looks like he'll break if the children so much as look at him wrong."

He bristled at that. He couldn't help it. He didn't look _that_ weak.

"Ah now, give him a chance." Coran told them. "He might surprise you."

He wanted to protest that no, he wouldn't surprise anyone at all. He didn't know what Coran was thinking, leaving him in charge of kids. He'd never even _seen_ a child, much less spoken to one!

"Hm," the Olkari merely frowned, looking unconvinced, before they shrugged their shoulders, "-well, we need all the help we can get. I am Asri, and that one over there is Vasneir. We are the caretakers of these children."

He frowned, letting his gaze sweep over the aforementioned children. He recognized right away that none of them were Olkari- and in fact, they cut a diverse swath. "Whose children are they?"

"No one's." Asri replied. "Orphans, most of them. Swept up by the refugees and brought here."

Orphans. Something in his heart tugged at that. _He_ wasn't exactly an orphan, but it would be a cold day in hell before he considered that witch his mother, much as Shiro had joked about it. He guessed _technically_ she was, since he wouldn't exist without her, but as far as he was concerned, the less he had to do with her, the better.

The original had been, though.

"Right," Coran began, patting his shoulder, "-well, I'll leave x here with you while I attend to some business with Ryner. It'll only be a few vargas."

Opening his mouth to protest, he snapped it shut. Maybe he wasn't convinced this was a good idea, but if this was what Coran wanted him to do, it wasn't like he could say no. He couldn't just freeload around the Castle, giving back nothing in return.

Still... he didn't know about this.

* * *

Let the children come to him. That was what Asri had told him to do. As energetic as they were around their two caretakers, it would seem that the bulk of them were shy around strangers, which he guessed given what they had been through, made perfect sense.

But it just managed to make him feel awkward. With nothing else to do, he sat to one side of the room, watching everything that was going on, while also trying not to look like he was staring. Fiddling with the hem of his tunic, he chewed on his lip, watching out of the corner of his eye as one of the children caught his eyes and hurriedly looked away.

He tried not to let it get to him.

He looked away, staring down at his hands instead. He didn't know how he felt about being here. He was part Galra, and furthermore, it had been the Galra who made him- he couldn't deny his ties to the ones who had robbed all these kids of their parents and had forced them to flee their homes alone. He didn't know what Coran had been thinking.

Which... seemed to be something he and his not-memories were in agreement about. Keith's impression of Coran was... _enigmatic_ , at best. Out of everyone on the Castle, he was the one he knew the least about, so it was difficult to say just what was motivating the advisor.

A flash of something caught his eye, causing him to reflexively jerk his head up. He breathed a little when he realized it was just the same kid from before, thrusting what had to be a hairbrush in his general direction. She was humanoid with four eyes, long, spindly fingers, and was bright pink, with little blue spots here and there.

"Let me brush your hair!"

He blinked. He couldn't quite tell if that was a question or a demand.

"...okay?" He weakly agreed.

It was enough for the kid, who marched around behind him. He tensed a little, before he relaxed- this was a literal child. The worst she could do was pull his hair.

She ran her fingers through his hair, making a _tut_ of disapproval. It stung probably more than it should have. "Your hair's a mess!"

He didn't know what to say in response to that, so he just let the kid dig her fingers in his hair. She found one of the mats, and judging by the faint tugging he could feel, she had set herself to working it out. Her long fingers seemed tailor made for the job, working out the dead strands of hair that had gotten caught up in his hair until they formed clumps.

"I'm-" she began, promptly proceeding to let out a string of noises he could never possibly hope to repeat, "-but everyone here just calls me An. What's your name?"

He chewed on his lip. He was starting to hate that question. "X."

"That's a weird name." An muttered, tugging a bit at his hair. "Where are you from?"

How did he even answer that? He couldn't say Earth. He'd never even been there.

"I'm not really _from_ anywhere." He told her.

"Oh," she seemed to frown, "-you look like the paladins."

He stiffened at that. "I'm human?"

Sort of. Genetically. Even then, only half.

"Shouldn't you be from Earth?" An asked, and then she added, with great pride at her knowledge, "-I heard that's where the paladins are from."

"I was born on a spaceship." He told her. It wasn't exactly a lie. "This is my first time on a planet."

He didn't know why he had told her that part, it had just slipped out.

"Coming here was my first time on a spaceship!" An reported, sounding a little excited, only to very quickly deflate. "But I got separated from my mom. Mister Coran says that if I stay here, they'll find her eventually."

"I'm sorry." He replied, automatically. "I hope you find her."

She nodded, burying herself in her work. He chewed on his lip, wondering if he'd said the wrong thing. He probably had. Again, no experience with children.

An's efforts to untangle his hair inevitably attracted attention, two more of the children working their way over. One was hairless, and was probably just curious about his hair, with webbed fingers- they kind of reminded him of a frog, almost. The other had bright orange fur, with nubby little horns curving out of the back of their head.

They introduced themselves as _Yut_ and _Gerin_ , respectively. Said they wanted to help. Which, apparently, he had no say in the matter, since An gave them both permission for him.

Okay. This wasn't how he had planned to get the mats out, but okay. It kind of made him feel like he was employing child labor, but they seemed to be having fun somehow, so the most he could do was indulge the three of them.

He must have dozed off at some point, because Yut was tugging at his sleeve. Snapping his eyes open with a gasp, he glanced behind him, not failing to miss the way An seemed to preen. "I got them all out! You can thank me!"

" _Us_." Gerin corrected.

An glared, an especially fierce expression with four eyes. "I started it."

Sensing a fight, he briefly panicked. He had no idea how to deal with children fighting- he barely had any idea as how to deal with children, period. "Thank you? All of you?"

An frowned a bit, but otherwise just huffed. " _I_ get to brush it."

So she still had her heart set on that. Vaguely, he wondered how long it had been- it must have taken awhile to get all of the mats out, if he was going to be completely honest about the state of his hair. It hadn't exactly been a priority while he'd been held captive.

"I can brush it," An asked, sounding a bit hesitant, "-right?"

He blinked, then slowly nodded his head, watching as the girl brightened. Dimly, it occurred to him that he had made someone _happy_ , and just as quickly realized that he had no idea what to do with that. He'd never... as soon as Haggar realized that her plans weren't working out as well, _planned_ , she had essentially turned sour towards him.

But this... this made him feel good. He was pretty sure he liked it.

Gerin just grumbled. "Then what are we supposed to do?"

"We could talk." Yut meekly suggested. "You came in with Mister Coran... are you with the paladins?"

"I don't know about _with_." He frowned, wondering how the topic had gotten back to him again. "But they let me stay on the Castle."

"I've seen the Castle." Yut whispered.

"We've _all_ seen the Castle." Gerin rolled his eyes. "It's huge."

"Don't bully him!" An huffed from behind him.

"I'm not bullying!" Gerin protested. "It's just a dumb thing to say!"

Wondering how he had gotten in the middle of this, he fought back the urge to groan. He couldn't complain- at least this gave him something to do, even if he had just basically been sitting around the whole time. Gaze flickering over towards the direction of the pair of Olkari, he noticed that even with just three children distracted, they looked less hassled than they had when he had first arrived, so he guessed he must have at least been doing _some_ good.

"Do you know the paladins?" Yut spoke up, sounding just as eager as he was to not be involved in the middle of a fight. "You look like them."

He frowned a little at the choice of words. An had said it too- that he looked like _them_ , not that he looked like any of them in particular. Maybe they had just never seen Keith before?

"He's human!" An reported. "But he's never been to Earth."

"What's _Earth_?" Gerin asked.

"It's the paladin's home planet!" An chirped. "I know. Mister Coran told me so."

"They aren't _all_ from Earth," Gerin huffed, looking displeased that she knew something he didn't, "-there's the princess! She's from... from..."

"Altea!" Yut supplied, flinching a little as Gerin glared at him, clearly upset that he had effectively stolen his thunder.

"Yeah," Gerin said, "-Altea. I knew that."

He frowned, tilting his head, ignoring An's faint squawk of protest. "I don't think the princess is a paladin."

Gerin frowned, looking at him like he was an idiot. "Are you dumb? Of course she is! How can you live with them and not know that?"

He bristled at that, narrowing his eyes. "I've only been on the Castle for like, three days!"

Maybe he shouldn't be letting a child get him worked up, but listen- if he wanted to be extremely technical, he was probably the youngest person in this room. He was probably allowed at least a little immaturity.

"What's a _day_?" Yut asked.

"Quintant," he corrected himself, realizing his mistake- of course they wouldn't know what a _day_ is, "-it means quintant."

"Oh," Gerin said, "-I guess that makes sense. So you haven't met the paladins yet?"

"I- most of them." He told him. "Just not the red paladin."

"You haven't met the _princess_?" An asked, sounding personally offended.

For his part, he just felt something in his brain grind to a halt. The princess? Why was- _Keith_ was the red paladin, wasn't he? He didn't think any of his not-memories were incorrect, and if Haggar had really wanted him to replace the real Keith, he couldn't understand why she would make him misremember which lion he flew.

"Are you... are you sure that's the princess?" He asked, a bit hesitant.

"Un-huh." Gerin said. "She came to my planet and everything. She let me touch her lion, so I'm sure."

That- that didn't make any sense. Why would Allura be flying the red lion? According to what Shiro had told him, they had Keith back- with amnesia, but still. Had that somehow broken his bond with the red lion?

Except... it didn't sound like it was that simple. He had never exactly _seen_ any of the lions, not for himself- though he guessed he must have been flown in one, after Shiro freed him from that prison, he just didn't remember. But that didn't... that didn't sound right to him.

Had... had Shiro lied to him? But why would... what would doing that even _accomplish_?

He wanted to ask, but instead he kept silent. He couldn't ask a bunch of children weird questions. He could wait until Coran came back.

* * *

"Why, I see you've made yourself some friends!"

Giving Coran a dry look, he couldn't help but frown. An was halfway through putting his hair in another bun when Coran finally returned, after what felt like more than just a few vargas. The alien girl huffed when he tried to move, so instead he remained rooted to where he was so she could finish her work.

He was pretty sure twin buns was not a look that worked for him.

"Well, I'm all finished with my business, so I think it's high time we headed back to the Castle for lunch." Coran told him. "You've got a strict meal plan you need to follow, after all!"

"You're leaving?" Yut asked.

Looking over towards the boy, his frown deepened. He couldn't understand why these kids had seemingly attached themselves to him, but even if he drew on his not-memories, he couldn't recall a single time he'd seen a more disappointed face.

"Ah, he'll be back next week!" Coran chirped. "Isn't that right, x?"

Looking up towards the Altean, his brows knit together. He didn't like the fact that he was making decisions for him, but he just slowly nodded his head. Today hadn't been terrible, after all. "Sure."

It made the kids happy, at least. He ducked his head, shielding his eyes, too afraid of the face he might be making to show it to anyone else. He definitely wasn't used to this sort of thing.

"Okay, done!" An declared. "When you come again next time, I'll do something even more flashy!"

Her words were met with a certain sense of dread, wondering exactly what _flashy_ meant to her. But instead he just gave her a weak smile, hoping it looked even marginally convincing. "Uh... thanks."

If it wasn't, An didn't notice. Coran offered him a hand, but he refused it, hauling himself to his feet using the wall. His legs had gone a bit numb, but it was nothing that a bit of use couldn't resolve. The Altean man looked unbothered by the slight, merely tucking his hand back against his side without comment.

"Right then," Coran began, "-say goodbye everyone."

The children complied, waving eagerly. He lifted his hand in response, before he fell into step behind Coran. Sparing a curious glance towards the windows of the other classrooms, he wondered if the children inside were even more war orphans.

It was a disheartening thought.

It wasn't until they were back in the elevator, that he chanced asking Coran the question that had been burning in the back of his mind. "Can I... can I ask you a question, Coran?"

"Of course, my boy!" Coran assured him, beaming brightly. "Anything you like! Ah, except for the secret recipe I use to make the paladin lunch. I'm afraid that one's top secret."

He cringed- that was one thing he was _glad_ to not have experienced for himself. Just the memory of the smell alone was enough to make prison gruel seem like a delicacy.

"I heard something from one of the kids." He began, rubbing his fingers against the hem of his tunic. "They told me that Al- that the princess was the red paladin."

"Oh, sometimes." Coran hummed. "She flew it while Number Four was gone."

That made sense. It did, but... Gerin had made it sound more recent than that.

"Does... does she still fly it, sometimes?" He chanced.

"For the air shows, mainly." Coran informed him.

His brow furrowed at that. "Air shows?"

"The show of arms!" Coran declared, making a flexing motion that caused him to snort in spite of himself. "You laugh, but I'll have you know they're a great asset when it comes to gathering new members for the Coalition! In fact, that's what you'll be helping me with for the rest of the day!"

"The air shows?" He frowned.

"Sure!" Coran said. "Routine's getting a little stale. I was thinking of maybe doing something a little more personal, you know, get the paladins out of the lions, do a little meet and greet... the universe deserves to know who it is that's doing the saving!"

If he hadn't been looking up, he surely would have missed the slight crinkle to Coran's brow as he said that, like there was something weighing on his mind. "Well... what about Keith? Why doesn't he do the air shows?"

"Oh, there's reasons for that." Coran admitted. "But I'm not so sure if you're ready for those answers just yet."

It was more honesty than he had been expecting, even if it did nothing to assuage his confusion. Tilting his head, he studied the Altean man, but as expected, he couldn't read him.

"He's... he's alive, right?" He asked. "He's not-"

"Oh no!" Coran said hurriedly. "I assure you, Number Four's in top shape! Though he did stub his toe this morning, so perhaps he's actually only at about 99.9%, if I'm going to be perfectly honest."

He snorted again at that. At the very least, he didn't get the impression that Coran was lying to him. Keeping things from him, sure, but there had to be a reason for that.

Besides, it wasn't like he was entitled to information.

"Anything else you want to ask?" Coran inquired.

He considered it, but Coran's question was timed with the elevator opening, so he just shook his head. The Altean made a low hum, before bustling along, only slowing down when he caught up to his pace. He made sure to follow Coran- he was pretty sure if they got separated, he'd wind up lost in no time flat.

Keith had a sharp sense of direction, but he wasn't putting his bets on that applying to him.

They made their way back to the Castle. Once they were in the transport pod, he felt himself sigh. It was barely afternoon, and he was already exhausted.

Coran clearly noticed. "How about you head back to your room, and I'll send someone to bring you your lunch? Then you can take a nap, perhaps."

He frowned at that. "I said I'd help."

He... hadn't actually technically _said_ that, it was more of a silent agreement, but still.

"Ah, don't you worry about a thing!" Coran assured him. "I've been doing this job for some time now without any assistance, so a few vargas more won't make much of a difference."

He wasn't convinced, but he still nodded. They parted ways on his floor, and he slowly made his way back to his quarters, collapsing face first back into his bed. If it weren't for his stomach, he'd fall asleep right then and there.

Turning over, he stared at the ceiling. Today had been a lot of things, and it wasn't even over. Closing his eyes, he let out a long breath, wondering if it was really okay that it had almost been kind of _fun_. That had been his experience, and his experience alone- and even if Keith's memories were taken from him, that would still be something that was uniquely _his_.

Whoever _he_ was. If he was even anyone.

A knock at his door drew him out of his thoughts. Frowning, he pushed himself up, expecting whoever it was to come in. Normally they just left his food outside, but if Coran's visit this morning was an indication of a changing trend...

Sure enough, moments later, the door to his room slid open.

He tensed. He thought maybe it would be Hunk, or maybe even Shiro- but the masked figure that loomed in his doorway was neither of those. They weren't even human, or even Altean.

They were Galra.


	3. contact side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took him a few moments to remember how to breathe.
> 
> Once he did, he slowly exhaled. Right. Coran had mentioned something about this. That there was some group of renegade Galra that Voltron had forged an alliance with. He hadn't really been listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Finally got this one done! It was a struggle! I actually ended up having to change my plans for this chapter, devoting it pretty much solely to the "first contact" between Keith and his clone, so to speak. I had planned to push the plot forward a bit more with it but... that just wasn't coming out right and everything I did with that in mind just ended up feeling rushed, so I just slowed things way down a bit. I still feel weirdly kind of anxious about it, but that's probably just a Mood so, have at it, I guess!
> 
> Much like roar of rebellion covered the first three episodes of season four, I plan to use this installment to cover the last three episodes of season four. I think there should probably more four more updates this time around, after this one, but I'm still not one hundred percent settled on that number. We'll have to see!

"Oh hey, Coran, you're back!"

Looking up from the purple goo he was mixing together, Kethe blinked. Last he'd heard, Coran was down on Olkarion, taking care of some business with Ryner. Something about finding a power source for the hospital that was located on the planet that the Blade of Marmora had just helped to liberate.

He hadn't been involved with that. He'd asked, but Kolivan had wanted him to remain here. It wasn't that he couldn't understand why- there had been the clone to worry about, but it still had been frustrating, especially since Voltron had basically been on hiatus ever since they found the clone on that prison satellite.

"Sorted things out with Ryner a bit faster than I thought!" Coran chirped. "I see Number Four is giving you a hand."

Hunk nodded, beaming. "The Uiru butter that we got from the last planet we liberated makes things a little hard to mix, and since Alteans apparently never even invented electric mixers," there was the faintest of barbs to that comment, but Coran didn't even so much as bristle at it, "-I needed someone who could do it by hand."

"Are you even sure this is going to taste good?" Kethe asked, doubt audible. "It turned the whole mixture purple. Not to mention hard."

"Trust me, if this goes according to plan, it's going to taste incredible." Hunk assured him. "But anyways, what brings you to the kitchen?"

"Lunch, actually!" Coran told him. "Not for me though, I've already eaten."

A look of understanding dawned across Hunk's face, causing Kethe to tilt his head. Had he missed something? "Oh, yeah, I get it. Yeah, it's on the top shelf of the fridge, first container on the left. Can't miss it."

"Can't miss what?" Kethe asked, setting down the mixing bowl.

"Huh?" Hunk blinked, before seeming to realize something. "Oh, right, you weren't at breakfast today, were you?"

Kethe nodded. He had gotten an early start, so he'd just grabbed a quick breakfast before hitting the training deck. Kolivan's visit yesterday reminded him that it had been awhile since he had actually trained with his blade- he'd mostly been using his bayard lately. He needed to be careful that he didn't get rusty.

He had been in there pretty much since Hunk had come to ask him for his help. He hadn't even changed out of his Blade armor yet, and he was almost positive that Kolivan would have a few choice words at seeing him in it while playing sous-chef to Hunk. Good thing he didn't have to know.

"Ah right, now that you mention it, you weren't." Coran said, tugging on one end of his mustache. "I suppose you didn't hear my announcement, then."

"Announcement?" Kethe asked. "What announcement?"

"Coran's looking after x." Hunk supplied.

X... the clone? He definitely hadn't heard about that.

"Thought it would be for the best, what with the rest of you being so busy!" Coran remarked.

Kethe just snorted, arching a brow. That wasn't the word he would have picked. "I wouldn't exactly call us busy."

"Not yet, but you will be!" Coran assured him, as if there was anything reassuring about being told that when they were in the middle of a centuries long war.

"See, when you put it like that, it just kind of sounds like a threat." Hunk pointed out. "Anyways, if you're going to bring x his food, tell him you know, that I said hello."

"Actually," Coran began, "-I was hoping that one of you paladins might bring it to him."

Lifting his head, Kethe exchanged a glance with Hunk. He looked just as uncertain as Kethe felt. "Us?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's avoiding us." Hunk agreed.

"Oh, likely he is." Coran acknowledged. "But I'm afraid if we leave him to his own devices, he'll never come out of his room. In fact, I'm rather positive he won't."

Hunk frowned. "I don't know, Coran. I'm not exactly wild about forced socialization. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Oh, it'll only be in small doses." Coran told him. "Wouldn't want to scare the lad."

"Well... I guess if it's only a little." Hunk frowned. Wiping his hands on his apron, he turned around to fully face the Altean. "So, do you want me to take it up? I've got a few minutes between this and the next step."

"Yes, that would be-"

"I can take it."

He didn't even realize he'd opened his mouth until both Coran and Hunk were staring at him. Quickly shutting it, his brows pinched together in thought. Why had he just said that? He'd just blurted it out without a second thought, which... wasn't exactly not like him, but it still took him by surprise.

"Keith?" Hunk stared at him, visibly confused. "Are you sure? Because you're kind of uh..."

"-Galra?" Kethe finished. Hunk winced, but he didn't pay it any mind. He was right. Him being Galra was a problem in and of itself, even without the fact that he was also Keith Kogane, the one person the clone could probably stand to go without meeting for awhile, at least until they had somewhat established themselves.

Which... yeah, was a pretty big factor on its own. But the Galra thing was also up there.

"I did tell him about the Blade of Marmora," Coran mused, stroking his mustache, "-though only in passing. I don't know if he'll actually remember."

"And there's, you know..." Hunk trailed off, gesturing at his own face, "-the face thing."

Kethe snorted, his tail twitching in amusement behind him. "The face thing?"

Hunk just locked eyes with him, challenging him to say anything back to him. "Yes, the face thing."

Hanging his head, Kethe didn't fight the urge to grin. He should probably feel tense, given what he had just put on the table, but he didn't. Maybe it was just because feeling tense around Hunk was actually pretty difficult. Or _any_ of the paladins, really- he'd gotten pretty used to everyone on the Castle, and the affirmation of knowing that they would have accepted him even if he were some kind of imposter... well, it had pretty much cemented this as a place that he could call home, and as people he could call family.

Maybe it was just because he only had half a deca-phoeb worth of memories, or maybe it was something deeper, more intrinsic, but he couldn't shake the feeling that _family_ was something he had been chasing for a long time. Maybe had even given up on. He couldn't know for sure.

He wondered how the clone felt about family. If he wanted it. _Wished_ for it. Or if he was afraid of it. Afraid that if he got too close, he might only get burned.

He could understand that feeling. He'd gone through the same thing.

In the clone... in the clone, it was probably worse. He had spent a lot of the past few quintants trying to put himself in the clone's shoes. The time when he'd been worried that he was some kind of clone wasn't that long ago, but even if that had once been a valid concern of his, their situations were different.

He didn't have memories that weren't his own. He barely had memories at all. And not having and having memories that weren't yours were two entirely different problems. Equating the two was impossible. He'd thought about discussing the matter with the other paladins, or maybe with Regris, but when it boiled down to it... it wasn't something they could understand, either of them.

They would try. There was no doubt about that. But this felt like the kind of answer he needed to reach by himself. That was one place where he felt like he and the clone might be in agreement, even without having met him. There were just some things that had to be done by yourself, or nothing would ever change.

"It may work." Coran said, snapping him back to reality.

"I don't know." Hunk frowned. "I mean... x _is_ Keith's clone. I don't think a little purple fur is enough to prevent him from recognizing the face he sees in the mirror everyday."

"He doesn't have to see my face." Kethe stated.

"Mm, true." Hunk agreed, gaze flickering downwards to his Blade armor. Guess he'd kind of forgotten he had it on. "I guess that _would_ make it harder. Although Shiro did kind of realize it was you even with your mask up, so..."

"That was only after I flew the red lion." Kethe pointed out. "Look, the point is, I can't avoid him forever. And... I think I kind of want to meet him."

That point he wasn't too sure about, but he'd just have to trust in his instincts. They hadn't exactly let him down yet.

"Well," Coran frowned, considering it, "-I suppose it wouldn't hurt. Provided you keep it brief. In and out."

"In and out." Kethe echoed, nodding.

"Yeah, okay, I guess." Hunk said. "If that's what you want to do."

"I do." Kethe stated.

Probably.

Hunk just heaved a sigh, before giving him a small smile. "So I guess I better heat up that broth, huh?"

"Not too hot." Coran advised. "I think our guest has a bit of a... what was it that Lance called it? Something to do with a tongue?"

"Cat." Hunk told him, fishing the container out of the fridge. "The word you're looking for is cat. And I kind of figured. Keith has one too. Maybe it's some kind of Galra thing?"

Kethe tilted his head, considering it. He wasn't _wrong_ , but... "Regris is fine with hot foods."

"Yeah, but Regris is like, a lizard." Hunk pointed out.

"I don't believe Zarkon ever had trouble with hot foods back in the day." Coran considered. "But I _do_ seem to recall one of his royal guards having trouble with the stuff. Perhaps you're on to something, Hunk."

"Great," Kethe quipped, "-now we know we can defeat the Galra Empire by burning their tongues. That'll come in handy with Lotor."

Hunk snorted, trying to stifle his laughter and failing. He wondered what he was picturing.

Watching with mild interest as Hunk heated up the broth, mixing bowl forgotten, Kethe got to his feet. Frowning, he glanced behind him, and after a moment's consideration, removed his knife's sheath from his belt, setting it down on the table. Catching his eye, Coran raised a brow in interest.

"Just... thought I should probably leave this here." Kethe told him.

"Ah, good call." Coran agreed.

"Well, I'm done here, so," Hunk said, taking the broth off the heat and carefully scooping it into a bowl, "-any time you're ready."

Grabbing some utensils from the drawer, he placed it on the tray next to the bowl. "Thanks, Hunk. I'll tell him you said hi."

"Aw, thanks buddy." Hunk said. "Good luck."

Giving him a grateful nod, he let his mask flicker into place, pulling up his hood before picking up the tray. Balancing it wasn't that difficult, but it probably would have been impossible for him within his first three phoebs of freedom or so. He considered himself lucky not to remember most of his time as a prisoner- a luxury which the clone didn't have.

At least the clone wouldn't be plagued with nightmares about nothing.

The clone's physical challenges... those he understood a little better. He wasn't in half as bad a shape as the clone had been when he'd first been brought to the Castle, but he'd still been pretty malnourished when Ulaz rescued him. According to what he had heard from Pidge, while he might not look like death warmed over anymore, the clone still didn't exactly look like the picture of perfect health.

Making his way to the clone's room, he stopped just outside the elevator on his floor. Biting down on his lip, for a brief second he entertained the thought that maybe this _wasn't_ a good idea- before he pushed it aside. Maybe it wasn't, but he'd already resolved to do this, so he couldn't just back out now. That wasn't the Galra way.

Victory or death.

(Though hopefully no one would need to die in this situation.)

* * *

It took him a few moments to remember how to breathe.

Once he did, he slowly exhaled. Right. Coran had mentioned something about this. That there was some group of renegade Galra that Voltron had forged an alliance with. He hadn't really been listening.

This was probably one of them.

He swore the Galra swallowed, before taking an almost halting step inside. It was impossible to tell with the mask, the glowing eyeholes almost eerie in the darkened room.

"Coran asked me to bring you this."

Slowly nodding, he had to remind himself to breathe again. The Galra's voice was distorted, probably because of the mask, which he had to wonder about. Maybe they just didn't want to show their face to a cloned half-breed.

That was what he would normally assume, but something about that explanation just didn't sit right with him, not about this. Still, he was used to it- most of the guards at the prison also had masks, although those had left the lower halves of their faces exposed. This one didn't.

He couldn't decide if it bothered him or not.

Realizing that the Galra was probably waiting for an answer, he swallowed. He was clearly nervous, but he swore that the Galra was feeling the same way- maybe it was the tail, tucked nearly in between their legs, that made him think that.

"Thanks," he said slowly, almost cautiously, "-just set it down."

The Galra seemed to hesitate, before giving a curt, almost stiff nod. Setting the tray down on the table, they slowly backed away. It kind of reminded him of a deer caught in headlights, and for some reason, that thought put him a bit more at ease.

He didn't know why the _Galra_ was nervous, but maybe they had just heard about his history. Maybe they were just being cautious. He couldn't think why- but then again, if these were Galra that Princess Allura had chosen to forge an alliance with, maybe they weren't the same as the Galra who had been on the prison satellite, or the ones that Haggar had kept around.

Except he didn't even know if those _were_ Galra. All he knew was that they were called druids, and that they had given him the creeps.

"So uh," the Galra began, "-if that's all, I'll just..."

He motioned towards the door in a gesture that he recognized to mean _go_. It was such a human gesture that it caught him completely off guard. Maybe they'd picked it up from one of the paladins.

Swallowing, he just gave the Galra a quick nod. For a second, he feared it was too eager, but if it was, the Galra either didn't seem to notice, or didn't seem to care.

In spite of what they said, the Galra lingered for a moment longer, before almost seeming to startle out of a daze. He took the moment to study them- they weren't very tall for a Galra, maybe just a little shorter than the yellow paladin. What caught his attention the most was the thick coil of black fur, twined around his shoulder in a braid.

He had never seen a Galra with black fur before. Even his own hair was more tinted purple, but that seemed to be unique to him. Keith's had just been plain black. He wondered if it were some kind of error- if it was, it wouldn't surprise him. The physical proof that he was a failed product outweighed the relief that the slight deviance from his source material brought him.

The Galra slowly began to head for the door, not quite taking their eyes off of him- the way their gaze remained so fixed fell just short of making his skin crawl. Not that he could exactly blame him- at least _someone_ on this ship was properly suspicious of him.

Except... suspicion didn't feel quite right. It was weird. He didn't know why he felt so certain of that. He just knew that he did.

They paused, just outside of the door, as if something had occurred to him. "Oh, uh... Hunk told me to tell you that he said hi."

He blinked, more at the casual use of the yellow paladin's name than anything. Just like the gesture, it caught him off guard, unexpected from some masked Galra whose face he couldn't even see. It sounded almost like he was _familiar_ with the yellow paladin, in a way that was deeper than he would if he believed that the memories in his head were really his.

Guess maybe he'd been around the paladins for awhile. That probably explained why they seemed kind of human.

Dimly aware that the Galra was again, waiting for some kind of a response, he started. What should he say? Should he tell him that he said hi back? That kind of felt like he was overstepping his bounds- it wasn't like they were friends, but Hunk had been the one to send the message first, so...

"...tell him I said hi back?" He meekly asked.

That got another curt nod from the Galra. "I'll pass it along."

They left just as abruptly as they had arrived, and it was only after they were gone that he realized he hadn't gotten their name. Chewing on his lip, he stared at the tray of food, unsure why it bothered him- he could probably just ask Coran later, since he'd been the one to send the Galra up.

Letting out a long breath, he allowed his shoulders to slump even as he got to his feet. Ducking into the bathroom to wash his hands, he glanced up without thinking, not averting his gaze quick enough to avoid looking in the mirror.

Maybe he should just- wait.

Lifting his head, he chanced another look at his reflection- and promptly sucked in his breath. The bright red of his cheeks had nothing to do with his first exposure ever to the sun, and a lot more to do with the dawning realization that he hadn't taken his hair out of the twin buns that An had tied it into yet.

And the Galra had seen him like this.

_Embarrassment_ was a new emotion for him, and he automatically decided he hated it.

* * *

"So... how'd it go?"

Exhaling, Kethe slumped back into his chair. Not only had Hunk and Coran waited for him, but at some point, Pidge had not only turned up but also decided to stick around. Judging from the unmasked curiosity on her face, he was going to say that someone had told her what was going on. Probably Hunk.

"I told him you said hi." He responded weakly.

"Oh hey, that's great!" Hunk beamed, before his smile faltered. "That's... that's good, right?"

Kethe just shrugged, finally letting his mask dissolve. He kept his hood up for the moment. He was kind of glad he was already in Blade armor- there was just something about it that made him feel secure. Which... yeah, it was armor, it was kind of _meant_ to do that, but the feeling of security... he didn't know. He just knew it came from somewhere else.

"Maybe?" He said, knowing how uncertain he sounded. "He said hi back, after like, a few ticks."

"I still can't believe you just went to see him like that." Pidge said, leaning across the table. "So? How was he?"

"He was... fine, I guess?" Kethe frowned. "Honestly, I'm still kind of trying to process it."

"But he did take the food, right?" Hunk asked.

Again, Kethe just shrugged. "I put it down on the desk. Didn't exactly stick around to see if he ate it."

"Oh, I imagine he'll probably eat it." Coran observed. "No offense Number Four, but if I thought he might not, I would never have let you bring it to him."

He just gave Coran a weak smile. "Fair enough."

"So... did he recognize you?" Pidge pressed.

"I don't think so." Kethe said after a moment. He actually did have to think about it. _Had_ he recognized him?

Sinking into his chair a bit, he draped his tail into his lap, toying with its tuft. It was calming, and he could use a bit of calm right now. Meeting his own clone hadn't been the _worst_ experience he'd ever gone through- at least, not that he could remember- but it had been... honestly, _awkward_ didn't seem like a strong enough word, but it was also the only word that he could think of.

So. Awkward.

He'd been stiff. He knew it. He hoped that maybe he'd just come across as stoic, but he doubted it. He just knew that he had never been more grateful for the anonymity that his Blade armor granted him. That was, the clone didn't have to see just how nervous he actually was.

Provided he hadn't noticed his tail. Which he was pretty sure he had. Damnit.

"Oh, I think if he recognized you, you would have known." Coran assured him.

"Yeah, pretty sure he would have said something if he had." Hunk agreed. "Do we even know if he knows he's Galra yet? Did you ask?"

"I'm afraid not, Number Two." Coran replied. "I plan on trying to find that out, but I want to ease him into the subject first."

"In that case, sending Keith up might have actually helped." Pidge reasoned. "He already has the fact that Haggar made him against him, so it's hard to imagine he'd been willing to volunteer information that might potentially make him look even worse to us. He's probably going to be more open about being part Galra if he knows there's Galra out there who are working with us."

"You know, _if_ he knows." Hunk added.

The pair glanced in his direction, causing Kethe to blink. With a slight frown, he just shrugged. "Don't ask me."

He didn't have the answer to that. For all he knew, he might have known that he was part Galra from the very beginning, and had just kept it to himself. He had no way of knowing.

"No vague impressions?" Pidge questioned. "Nothing coming back to you?"

Kethe just shook his head. "Nothing. Sorry."

"Ah, no need to apologize." Coran stated. "I'm pretty sure that's not how it works anyways."

"Probably." Kethe agreed, absently picking up his abandoned sheath from the table. Resting it in his lap, his tail flicked out of the way.

From the way Allura described it, it kind of sounded like Haggar had just ripped his memories right out of him and stuffed them into the clone. He harbored a suspicion that some of his memories might have just been completely erased, because he sure as heck didn't remember going from looking human to looking almost completely Galra.

And based on his reaction, he was willing to bet the clone didn't either.

Just thinking about it made a shiver run down his spine. If she really wanted, Haggar could have just erased him completely. He should probably consider himself lucky that her plans had been a little more complex than that.

Granted, he didn't know if he even _wanted_ his memories back. He did, and he didn't. It was complicated. He'd come to terms with the fact that he didn't have an easy answer. Anyways, it wouldn't even matter unless Allura figured out a way to do it. And from the sound of it, she wasn't exactly having much luck.

"Well, he definitely inherited your evasiveness." Pidge remarked.

Kethe just snorted, recognizing it for the joke it was. "Hey, that's not on me."

Pidge just rolled her eyes. "You can't just pin everything on past Keith."

Arching a brow, he leaned back in his chair. "Just try and stop me."

Making a noise of vague disgust, Pidge crinkled her nose. "Has Lance been teaching you more weird phrases again? I'm starting to think we need to run an intervention."

"At least he didn't mangle this one." Hunk observed.

Frowning, Kethe shot a hooded glare in Hunk's direction. He didn't mangle Earth sayings _that_ much, did he? Maybe sometimes, but...

"Well, if that's all you have to report Number Four," Coran interrupted, "-I'll be on my way. Lots to do!"

Giving the Altean a faint smile, Kethe nodded. "Yeah, that's all."

"Do you need any help?" Pidge asked. "I'm _dying_ to find out what kind of power system Ryner came up with. It has to be incredible."

"Oh, it's something alright." Coran remarked- and he got the feeling he was just barely holding himself back from going into thorough detail about the system in question. "I was under the impression you were quite occupied, though. What with Regris' tail and all."

Pidge just grumbled. "Matt and I have had to take the design completely back to the drawing board, so I'm kind of taking a break from it to recharge."

"Yup, same here." Hunk agreed. "Shiro's prosthetic makes it look so easy, but let me tell you, it's not. It is totally not."

"Always good to take a break when you've hit a bit of a wall." Coran said. "I would be glad to have your help, Number Five."

"Maybe I could ask Kolivan if some of Ulaz's notes are still around?" Kethe ventured. Bringing up Ulaz still stung, though not quite as much as it had in the past. It almost made him feel guilty, like he was forgetting about him- even if he knew that wasn't true. "Haggar had a lot of input, but he's the one who pretty much designed Shiro's arm."

"Could you?" Pidge asked. "It'd be a _huge_ help. I swear, Ulaz had to be a _genius_ or something."

In spite of himself, Kethe beamed with pride at the praise. The paladins might have only known Ulaz for a short time, but it was nice to know that they had appreciated him just as much as he did. He understood why- without Ulaz, none of them would be here right now.

That went for him twice.

"I'll see what I can do." Kethe said. "At least maybe that way we can prevent a repeat of your second prototype."

"Keith!" Pidge squeaked. "I thought we were never going to mention that one again!"

"You have to admit, it was pretty funny." Hunk said.

"Tell that to _Regris_." Pidge grumbled, shooting the yellow paladin a sour look. "I'm pretty sure he was mad at me for weeks after that."

Chuckling, Kethe didn't have the heart to tell her that Regris had gotten over it within the same quintant, and that the movement he had spent avoiding her had mostly been because he thought her efforts to appease him were entertaining. That was _probably_ something he should keep to himself.

"Don't worry," he said instead, "-I'm sure he's over it."

Pidge just squinted at him. He had to fight not to twitch underneath her gaze. His Marmora training hadn't exactly prepared him for her sharp glare, but it sure helped.

"Come along Number Five." Coran called out- and he didn't fight the urge to let out a breath of relief once Pidge followed behind him.

Eyeing him, Hunk arched a brow. "Regris was never actually mad at her, was he?"

"Not really." Kethe confessed. "But we should probably keep that just between us."

"Yep, yep, agreed." Hunk said, nodding his head. "So... you're okay, right?"

Blinking, Kethe looked up at him. It wasn't that he didn't understand the concern, but somehow, the paladins asking after his well being still managed to catch him off guard. He would have thought he'd be kind of used to it by now. "I- yeah, I'm fine. Really."

Hunk smiled. "Just wanted to make sure."

Yeah, he knew.

"So... how was it?" Hunk asked. "I mean, you met your own clone."

Letting out a huff, Kethe closed his eyes, resting his head against the back of his chair. "Weird. It was weird."

Hunk hummed. "So was it better or worse that he doesn't look exactly like you?"

"Honestly?" Kethe asked, cracking open an eye. "No clue."

He really didn't know. It was strange. He couldn't put it into words just yet. He'd need more time to try and actually process what he was feeling right now. All he knew was that there was a disconnect- he still didn't even know if that made it easier or harder for him to deal with the fact that he had a clone running around.

It was just... there.

"Fair enough." Hunk said. "But remember-"

"-I can talk to you if I need to?" Kethe finished. "I know, Hunk."

"Okay," Hunk shrugged, "-just making sure you remembered."

Like he could forget. He didn't even think the other paladins knew how much their support meant to him. How much _they_ meant to him.

Staring down at his blade, he turned it over in his hands. If he could do nothing else, then he could at least ensure that they made it through this war. To bring them back to Earth- their true home.

He wouldn't fail.


	4. orange side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance had zeroed in on one booth in particular, one that was handing out tiny plush Voltron lions. They were kind of cute, he thought. Lance appeared determined to get one for Allura, which confused him- hadn't he said he'd wanted to get something sparkly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the next chapter! Also known as the one where I let them go to Clear Day early and enjoy themselves because they have a tough fight ahead of them and they all deserve to have a little fun. Also because generally speaking, the Voltron Show is like, my least favorite episode, so if I am given the power to cancel it in its entirety, then I can, and I will, and no one can stop me (nor should they).

It was a good thing he was a light sleeper, otherwise he probably would have slept right through the knock on his door. He wasn't sure how long he had slept- his rest had been fitful, but he was used to that. He'd expected it to come easier now that he had an actual _bed_ , but he guessed after months of sleeping on the floor without so much as a blanket, it wasn't an easy adjustment to make.

Hauling himself out of bed, he paused to double check his hair. He was pretty sure he had remembered to take it out of the buns this time, but just in case...

Okay. Good. No potentially embarrassing hairstyle.

Whoever was at the door knocked again, more impatient this time. He frowned. Something told him this wasn't Coran.

The thought was enough to make him briefly hesitate to answer, before he sucked in a long breath, and pressed his hand against the panel. For a second, he didn't see anyone, before his eyes instinctively looked down, falling on a mop of light brown hair.

Oh. The green paladin.

First a Blade of Marmora, and now a paladin. Coran was doing this on purpose, he realized.

The green paladin- _Pidge_ \- looked up at him, her expression hard to gauge- or maybe he was just bad at it. "Coran sent me to come get you."

It took him a second to sort his thoughts, but he gave her a curt nod. "About the air shows, right?"

He swore Pidge grimaced. "I _wish_ it were about the air shows. Coran apparently has this idea in his head that we should do meet and greets."

The _we_ was so casual, he nearly forgot it didn't apply to him. Tilting his head, he studied the green paladin. She seemed a little annoyed, but not at him, which he took as a good sign. They had met once before, in the kitchen, but that had been the limit thus far of their interactions.

That was the way he had been intending to keep it. But apparently, Coran had guessed as much, and was already taking steps to circumvent it.

Fine. If that was how it was going to be, he guessed he could just suck it up. The last thing he wanted to be was a burden. If they intended to keep him here, on the castle-ship, then he could at least try to be useful- and well, polite, he guessed.

Not that he had any experience with being _polite_. _Compliant_ , but that was... that was different. His not-memories didn't give him a lot to go off of either. Keith was aware of human social customs, but mostly he just seemed to ignore them.

He wondered if it was because he was half-Galra. Like some kind of instinct. Or maybe it was just the circumstances of his childhood. He might have the memories, but he still didn't have the answer to that question.

"Oh," he finally said, after what he knew had to be an awkward pause of silence, "-I take it you don't want to?"

"That's more of Lance's thing." Pidge snorted. "Although, and don't tell him I said this, Shiro's been known to showboat a bit himself."

He just arched a brow. That seemed to fit with what his not-memories told him, but he didn't know how the black paladin could even do that without somehow being aware of it. But then, there was a lot he didn't understand- just having memories meant nothing if he had never actually experienced them for himself. The longer he spent here, the more he began to understand that.

The feeling of sun on his face, of a light breeze blowing through his hair... these were things he had never experienced for himself. They were in his not-memories, but what was there failed to live up to the actual experience. Not to mention the food- even if he knew that Hunk was probably holding back on the flavor for the sake of his recovery, the food was better than he ever could have imagined.

It made him wish... he didn't know. That it didn't have to be like this. Not that he believed those memories were _his_ , but just... that he was normal. Someone _born_ , rather than someone who had been created in a lab.

He pushed the thought aside. He _had_ been created in a lab, and he couldn't change that. Longing for something that was impossible wouldn't fix anything- all it would do was hurt. And he'd had enough hurt already.

"I won't say anything." He said. "Promise."

"Good, because I'm holding you to that." Pidge grinned, and the expression took him aback. "Now come on. I need your help to convince Coran out of trying to play the role of damsel in distress."

He blinked, but quickly followed after her. She lead him to what his not-memories informed him was the record room, where Coran had a variety of monitors up, playing out scenes from past battles. A few of them he recognized, others he didn't.

"Ah, x!" Coran chirped. "Good to see you again. I trust you rested well."

"Yeah," he lied, "-just fine. What's all this?"

"Oh, just going over some past footage." Coran told him. "Looking for a bit of inspiration, as it were. Can't have the shows getting stale!"

Pidge just rolled her eyes. "Coran, the air shows aren't for entertainment value."

"Ah, but in a sense, they are!" Coran said. "Why, on the planets you paladins have personally visited thus far, there has been a marked uptick in people who have wanted to join the Coalition. Shiro just talked to me about it!"

"The Coalition?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Yes, the Coalition!" Coran echoed. "A joining of forces, dedicated to the defeat of Zarkon and the Galra Empire, all with the backing and support of Voltron, of course."

Huh. It sounded like in the months since Keith had been captured, and he had been created, Voltron had really gone up in the world. He'd gotten a pretty sound impression of it on Olkarion, but it was another thing to actually hear it. According to his not-memories, the last allies they had gained were the Balmerans- and besides them, they only had the Arusians.

Guess things had changed.

It was a weird thought for him to have. But he couldn't help having it.

Pidge just looked unconvinced. "I mean... if you say so. But don't blame me if this show of yours bombs."

"Oh, don't be so negative!" Coran said. "It'll be fine, I promise."

Shrugging her shoulders, Pidge glanced up at him. "Guess I'll leave things to you. I should probably be getting back to working on Regris' prosthetic."

Blinking, he slowly nodded his head. Watching Pidge go, he looked back towards Coran, a slight frown on his face. "Who's Regris?"

"He's a member of the Blade of Marmora." Coran informed him. "Our liaison, so to speak."

Oh. That made sense. Maybe he was the Galra that had brought him his lunch? Except he didn't look like he needed any kind of prosthetic, unless Pidge was referring to upgrades of some kind. He kind of wanted to ask, but Coran looked pretty busy, so he didn't want to interrupt with too many questions.

"So... what can I do to help?" He asked instead.

Coran gave him a faint smile. "Why don't you start by checking the calendar? We should probably double check to make sure everything is in order. I've already got the current day and time marked, so hopefully it shouldn't be too confusing."

Nodding, he slid into one of the chairs. Sure enough, the current day was marked, so it wasn't too hard to make heads or tails of the calendar, even though he wasn't exactly familiar with Altean timekeeping outside what of a deca-phoeb and a tick were. Glancing over towards Coran, he watched him study the footage.

Air shows. He bit his lip, recalling how Coran had told him that it was the princess who flew the red lion during them. That Keith didn't do them for some reason.

That was... strange. Granted, he had a hard time picturing the Keith of his not-memories going along with something as frivolous sounding as an _air show_ , but he also had a tough time picturing him outright refusing to do them. Maybe... maybe he'd been disfigured, somehow? Galra prisons were rough. He'd know.

Maybe that was what Coran was trying to keep from him. Touching his cheek, he frowned. He knew he looked worse for wear, but all of it was ultimately superficial- stuff that could be fixed with time. Maybe... maybe Keith wasn't that lucky.

That _would_ probably make it hard to look at him, he thought. Even more than it normally would. Seeing his face, unmarred by any scars or burns, or whatever it was that had happened to him, had to be difficult. He knew from what his not-memories told him that the healing pods were great, but they weren't perfect- they couldn't fix everything.

"Well," Coran piped up, snapping him out of his thoughts with a jolt, "-how do things look? I think I accounted for time dilation correctly between the different planets, but I'll be honest, my math's a bit shaky."

Realizing that he had barely even looked over the calendar, he quickly scanned it. "Uh... it looks fine, I guess?"

Leaning closer, his brows furrowed. Actually... something seemed kind of off. Glancing nervously back towards Coran, he wondered if he should even bring it up. He wasn't anything like the guards at the prison, but just the thought of trying to correct him had his stomach doing belly flops.

Coran seemed to notice. "Something wrong?"

Quickly shaking his head, his gaze darted to the floor. "No. Everything's fine."

Coran watched him for a moment longer, before heaving a sigh. He flinched a little at it, wondering if he'd disappointed him somehow. He still remembered the look of disappointment on the witch's face when she realized just how flawed he was, before it had morphed into one of disgust and rejection. It stung. It _still_ stung, even though he now viewed that same rejection as a good thing.

He shouldn't be like this, he knew. He should be more... he didn't know actually, what he _should_ be like. Everything that told him he shouldn't be like this came from his not-memories, of someone who definitely looked like him, and maybe even acted like him, but wasn't him. Who was to say he _wasn't_ supposed to be like this?

Who was to say he was supposed to be like anything? He was a clone, just a tool to be used, and not even a very good one at that. He wasn't even sure if he was allowed to form his own personality, have his own independent thoughts.

He wanted to. That he was sure of. He just didn't know how. It was hard to tell where the influence from Keith ended, and he began. Anything that did seem like him was probably just because of the trauma, and he wasn't sure that he wanted a personality formed by that. But he also didn't know if there was anything he could do to change it.

Maybe this was just him. Maybe he was just stuck like this, for the rest of his life. Indecisive, skittish, and paranoid- a real winner.

"You know," Coran began, "-if I got something wrong, you're more than welcome to tell me. That's why I asked, you know."

Slowly turning his gaze upwards towards Coran, the Altean gave him a soft smile. "I, uh... I'm not sure, actually. I just think something's off."

Coran took his words into consideration, making a low hum as leaned down to take a look himself. "Ah, yes, you're right, actually. Seems like I didn't quite account for time dilation as well as I thought. Why, if I'd gone with this schedule, we would have completely missed Clear Day!"

"Clear... Day?" He asked, puzzled.

"Why, it's the one day of the year planet Drazan has clear skies!" Coran informed him. "Oh, it's quite something too. They put on a big celebration. People from all across the galaxy come! It's the perfect chance for Voltron to spread their message."

"Sounds... fun?" He guessed.

He didn't exactly know much about celebrations, much less _big_ ones. He knew they had them on Earth, but they tended to be the kind of thing that Keith had avoided.

"Oh, it's a real riot!" Coran assured him. "And if you hadn't said something, we might very well have missed it. So good job, catching that!"

He blinked, ducking his head. All he had said was that something felt off. Coran was the one who had determined what the problem was. He hadn't exactly done anything to earn thanks. But still... being thanked felt good. Like it was something he could get used to.

Was... was that okay?

Was it okay for him to get used this? To this... this _kindness_ , this warm, casual atmosphere. To the idea that maybe, he was allowed to be included in things.

He didn't know. He didn't feel comfortable with the idea yet. The last thing he wanted to do was to get his hopes up, only to be let down. There were too many instances of that happening in his not-memories, and he wasn't sure it was something that he personally wanted to experience.

Besides- this wasn't his place. It was Keith's. These were _Keith's_ friends, his fellow paladins. He was just someone who had the same face as him.

Finding his own place in the universe sounded... nice. He just wasn't sure it could- or _should_ \- be here.

* * *

_Day off_ and _air show_ were already like magic words to him. When they were said in the same sentence? Twice as magic.

Really, the only downer about today was that he wouldn't be able to take Allura around the carnival, which was kind of what he had been hoping to do ever since he first heard about it. He'd had a whole plan, in fact- maybe show off a few of his sharpshooting skills, win her something nice and sparkly, and then end the evening by sweeping her off her feet... somehow. He still didn't have that last part locked down, he just figured he'd figure it out by the time this _Clear Day_ actually came.

But no. Allura had important leadership duties to attend to. She'd be coming to the carnival, but she'd be coming to it with like, a half hour to spare before the actual air show that was supposed to be its big finale. She should use that time to look around herself, not be dragged around by him.

Besides, he could still win her something sparkly.

Pidge had already gone on ahead. She'd dragged Matt with her, and somehow had even managed to convince Keith to join. He snorted at the thought. Keith? At a carnival? Even if he wasn't currently covered in purple fur, it was still a hilarious image. There was no way Keith could ever _possibly_ have fun at a carnival.

Actually, speaking of he who was formerly of the mullet...

"You think we should invite him?"

"Uh," Hunk blinked, "-invite who?"

"You know," Lance frowned, "-the clone. X, or whatever it is he wants to call himself."

Ugh. They seriously had to get a better name for the guy. Sure, _x_ was cool for like, some sort of super secret spy codename, but as an actual name? It sucked. It sucked big time.

Not that he'd even seen the guy since like, that one time in the kitchen, and that was a full week ago now. In fact, he was pretty sure that outside of Pidge and surprisingly enough, _Keith_ , none of them had seen him since then. He knew that Coran was supposed to be looking after him, but the dude was more like a ghost than a clone at this point.

"I dunno, Lance," Hunk frowned, "-this doesn't seem like his kind of thing."

"Yeah, well it doesn't seem like Keith's kind of thing either, and somehow Pidge managed to talk his Galra butt into going." Lance pointed out. "Look, I'm not saying we drag the guy out of his room, but we could at least _ask_."

Hunk considered it. "Mm. Yeah, I guess you're right. Asking wouldn't hurt."

"Great!" Lance beamed. "So it's agreed."

Sure, he was pretty sure he'd be like, the ultimate wet blanket. But hey- if the dude was ever going to grow a personality of his own or whatever, he had to leave his room sometime.

Besides. This wasn't Keith they were talking about. It was his clone. So who knew? Maybe he'd actually have a fun time.

Knocking on x's door, Lance shifted on his feet. After what felt like a few seconds too long, it finally slid open, x blinking in the light of the hallway. "...can I help you?"

"So uh," Lance began, "-Hunk and I were just thinking about heading down to enjoy the Clear Day festivities. You know, day off and all that."

"Yeah, yeah," Hunk nodded, "-thought we might drop by, see if you wanted to come with us."

X blinked. Then blinked again, before furrowing his brow. If this were Keith, he'd say he was probably trying to stare them to death, but it wasn't, so he was probably just confused. "...me?"

"Uh, yeah you." Lance said, arching a brow. "There anybody else here?"

X actually had the audacity to check behind him. Which, okay- he'd admit it. That was actually pretty funny. He definitely hadn't meant it as a joke though, which was the only thing that kept Lance from laughing.

"I mean... you don't have to come if you don't want to." Hunk quickly added. "We just thought, you know... it might be nice."

"I don't know if I should." X frowned. "I've never been to a carnival before."

Lance fought the urge to groan. Maybe he did still have stuff in common with Keith after all, because that was exactly the kind of thing he would have said. "That's just more reason you should go. I mean, sure, I've been to carnivals before, but I've never been to _alien_ carnival before. It's our first time too!"

X's frown only deepened. "Well... sure. But I've never-"

"-been to one period. We know." Lance cut him off, ignoring the sharp look that earned him from Hunk. "Look, even _Keith_ is going, and he's about as much of a killjoy as you can get."

"He's not _that_ much of killjoy." Hunk muttered.

At the mention of Keith, x actually looked a bit interested. "Well..."

"I mean, you don't have to come if you don't want to, like I said." Hunk hurriedly interjected. "But we'd like you to."

X stared at them, like he didn't know what to make of that statement. "Are you sure? I don't want to get in the way of your fun."

Lance just snorted. "Dude, if we thought that, we wouldn't have invited you."

Well, okay. So he did kind of think that. But he was just trying to be nice. In hindsight, he'd been pretty awful to Keith during their time at the Garrison, and while sure, maybe Keith hadn't actually been a ray of sunshine and niceness either, he still felt bad about it. He'd literally _celebrated_ him getting kicked out of the Garrison, for Pete's sake!

This was his chance to make up for that, even if the clone wasn't _actually_ Keith. He had his memories, at least, which was more than he could say about the actual Keith. Heck, he was pretty sure the actual Keith didn't even remember that he had anything to be mad at him about, which was both great and kind of annoying- how could you make something up to a guy who didn't even remember you had something to make up for?

Being nice to the clone was probably the closest thing he could get to making up with Keith. And frankly, he'd have to be a total asshole to be mean to the guy who had basically been _raised_ in a Galra prison. He was what, not even a year old?

And he thought _Shiro_ was huge for a six year old. X was practically _gigantic_ for a baby.

X seemed to consider it, idly fidgeting with the hem of his Olkari tunic. "I guess it wouldn't hurt?"

"That's the spirit!" Lance beamed. "Now come on. Pidge messaged me to say they've got all kinds of game booths down there. I'm hoping to win something sparkly for Allura."

X shifted on his feet, ducking his head. But he swore that just before, he caught the edge of a smile on the clone's lips.

Aw yeah. They hadn't even gotten to the fun part yet, but mission accomplished.

* * *

Drazan was... different from Olkarion.

He already knew that, based on what he had read. The surface of the planet was hard and rocky, lacking any of the natural greenery that Olkarion possessed. Most of the time, the surface wasn't even habitable. That didn't even touch on the massive beasts that roamed the surface every day of the year- save for this one.

He could kind of understand why they would want to celebrate.

He'd been helping Coran arrange the air show there over the past week. It was... more interesting than he thought it would be, actually. Though given that he had spent pretty much his entire life literally rotting away in a cell, probably even watching paint dry would be interesting to him.

So the idea of going to an actual carnival was... well, he hadn't expected to be invited. He had planned to spend the day in his room, reading up on the material Coran had given him. It was a rundown on all of Voltron's activities over the past few months, so that he could catch up to speed on just what had been going on since...

...well, not since he left. He'd never been on the Castle before. Since _Keith_ left, he guessed.

Still, Lance and Hunk had gone out of their way to invite him. He thought at least maybe he would humor them. He was sure they'd get tired of him after maybe like half an hour, and then he would just go back to the Castle.

For the most part, he trailed behind them. Lance was intent on winning something for the princess, and that singular focus took them to an area lined with various booths. He hung back with Hunk, watching as Lance got conned out of every token he had.

Each paladin had been given a sizable amount, and from that, Lance and Hunk had each given him five. He wasn't sure what to do with them, so he just sort of turned them over in his hands. He liked the way the cool metal felt in them. He thought about using them to get something to eat, but everything here smelled so strongly that it kind of turned his stomach.

He shifted on his feet. The ground was rough and dusty, and kind of hurt his feet. He thought about looking through the Altean clothing stores himself, but he still wasn't exactly up to wandering around the Castle on his own, much less taking something that didn't belong to him. Not that anything belonged to him- even those clothes were borrowed.

Just like his face.

He snorted. He had no idea why they had even invited him- if this was the direction his thoughts went in at the drop of a hat, he was bound just to be a downer.

"So... do you think we should like, tell him?" Hunk asked.

He blinked, not expecting to be spoken to. He quickly determined that he was talking about Lance, and glanced over in the direction of the blue paladin. "I thought he'd realize it by now."

Lance had zeroed in on one booth in particular, one that was handing out tiny plush Voltron lions. They were kind of cute, he thought. Lance appeared determined to get one for Allura, which confused him- hadn't he said he'd wanted to get something sparkly?

But he guessed humans and contradictions just went together. How they treated him was just evidence enough of that.

...and the fact that he even had that thought was evidence of just how badly he was divorced from his own supposed humanity. He guessed given the fact that he had been created by the Galra, he was probably more Galra than anything, even if he didn't actually look it. It might be better if he did- at least that way, people could never mistake him for the actual Keith.

...although, that actually hadn't happened yet. Which was weird- and probably just more evidence that Keith had been disfigured somehow. A scar maybe? A burn? He didn't know. It was Haggar they were dealing with- his mere existence was proof enough that nothing could be ruled out.

He kept wanting to ask about it, and even though Coran kept encouraging him to speak his mind, he still found it hard to. He knew the paladins wouldn't deprive him of food or water just for talking back, but that was basically all he had known until now. He had trouble enough saying no to the _kids_.

(An had fulfilled her promise, giving him some kind of elaborate french braid the next time he visited. She even tucked flowers into his hair. He was just grateful only Coran had seen him like that.)

"Mm," Hunk frowned, "-Lance tends to get tunnel vision at times like this."

"I mean... I guess we could find a game that's less rigged?" He meekly offered.

"Wow, you really don't know much about carnivals, huh?" Hunk asked.

He bristled, a sudden snap of anger bubbling to the surface. What was that supposed to mean? "Like I said, I've never been to one."

"Hey, whoa," Hunk held up his hands, trying to placate him, "-I didn't mean it like that. It just means that most carnival games are usually rigged. Honestly, Pidge is probably having better luck in the arcade."

He felt himself deflate. He probably shouldn't have snapped, but he still wasn't used to people having good intentions towards him. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It made him anxious, how things had been going over the past week. He thought he would get used to it, but...

...but he just kept feeling like it was all temporary. Like this could all go away in an instant. Maybe he'd wake up, and he'd still be in his cell. Or maybe the princess would find a way to extract Keith's memories from his head, and they would dump him on one of the Coalition planets or something. Either way, he couldn't let himself get comfortable.

Worst of all, he still hadn't met Keith. He hadn't been able to get any answers either. People kept mentioning him, so he was either caught up in some kind of weird elaborate lie, or he really _was_ around, and was just actively avoiding him.

Which... made sense, he guessed. He'd probably do the same.

And again, asking? Out of the question. His curiosity had gotten the better of him before, but now he couldn't help but wonder if he actually wanted to even hear the answer. It was bad enough that Keith had amnesia because of him. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out anything further.

"Sorry," he muttered finally, realizing Hunk deserved an apology, "-didn't mean to snap."

"Hey, it's okay." Hunk reassured him. "You wanna maybe try a game?"

He frowned. "I thought you said they were all rigged?"

"Yeah, they are." Hunk said. "But that doesn't mean they're all rigged to be _unbeatable_. Just that you can't get the big fancy prize."

He considered it. It might be nice to win something to call his own, and he did have tokens to use. That said, he didn't even know what he would even _want_ in the first place. He could think of things _Keith_ would want, and while a lot of them were also appealing to him, that thought alone was enough to make him recoil.

"I guess I could try?" He said finally.

"Great!" Hunk beamed. "In that case, I suggest we go save Lance. Maybe an interruption would help with that tunnel vision of his."

He wordlessly nodded, letting Hunk guide him to the booth. "Pardon me," Hunk cut in, "-but my friend here would like to try the game."

_Friend_. He froze- he'd said it so casually too. He bit his lip, trying not to dwell on it. It didn't mean anything. That was just how Hunk was. He knew that. Or well, his not-memories knew that but... same thing, in this instance.

What _did_ mean something was the way the alien managing the booth looked at him. He took one look at him- his _wrists_ , mainly- and told Hunk that it was two tokens to play the game, before handing him the actual rings that were supposed to be used to play the game, as opposed to the tiny ones he had given to Lance instead.

Okay. That just ticked him off.

Ignoring Lance's protests of _hey wait a second_ , he picked up one of the rings. Keith's aim was good. He knew that. But he also wasn't Keith. And the booth runner's assessment of him... well, it wasn't exactly _wrong_ , either. He wasn't exactly in stellar physical shape.

But, as he was just now finding out, he absolutely _hated_ to lose.

The first ring missed, but he'd kind of expected that. So did the second, but that was fine. As long as the third one didn't miss.

The third one almost missed, before it settled on the post. He grinned without thinking, not dwelling on how alien the expression felt on his face, or about how the way joy bubbled up inside of him. Not even about how petty it seemed to get joy from something as small as this. In the moment, none of that mattered.

He just savored the feeling.

"Hey, you did it!" Hunk beamed, grabbing him in a crushing side hug, causing his whole body to tense and his mind to snap squarely back to reality. "See? I knew you could!"

He swallowed, listening to Lance grumble. But there was a good nature to it, and if he was mad at anyone, it was the alien running the booth, not him. And Hunk's hug... it felt nice, actually. He was used to being handled roughly, and sure, the hug was probably the exact opposite of gentle, but it was warm. _Safe_. He felt a bit of tension leave him, for a brief moment, allowing himself to feel secure in a way he had never.

Something in his head finally clicked. Whatever happened, the paladins wouldn't hurt him. He felt like he could trust that a little now.

"Alright, alright," the alien seemed to huff, pulling out a box from under the counter, "-pick your prize kid."

Colorful Voltron lion plushies met his eyes, some of them not even in colors that existed- not unless they had added a purple lion. He didn't even know what a purple lion would _form_.

Hunk released him, and he stared down at the box, uncertain which to pick. Stuffed animals weren't exactly his thing- but then, what even _was_ his thing? Who knew? Maybe it actually was stuffed animals.

Instinct told him to pick the red lion, but he knew that was the devil talking. Instead, he just plunged his hand into the box, opting to let fate decide. It had done a shitty job with him thus far, but it had eventually lead the paladins to him, so maybe he could trust it just a little.

Drawing out his hand, he stared at the stuffed lion he had chosen. Orange. Figures he'd draw a color that Voltron didn't actually have.

"You know," Lance began, "-Voltron doesn't have an _orange_ lion either."

He ignored Lance, opting instead to stare down at the plush lion in his hand. He cracked a tiny smile- maybe this wasn't so bad. Voltron didn't have an orange lion, sure, but he wasn't sure he wanted to pull one of the actual lions, not even the red lion.

This was... this was better, he decided. This was _his_.

* * *

He didn't last much longer at the carnival after that. The noise and the lights got to be a little too much, so Hunk had escorted him back to the Castle. He had found his way back to his room on his own, and had promptly collapsed in his bed.

That night, for the first time ever, he slept soundly. If he did it while clutching a tiny orange lion, well... who had to know?


	5. courage side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered if maybe they could be like that- him and the clone. They weren't exactly siblings, but it felt nicer to think of him that way. Watching Matt and Pidge interact... it made him feel like it would be kind of nice to have a little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one turned out to be a little longer than I expected! But totally worth it, I had a lot of fun writing this entry. Finally, x is coming out of his shell and things are steadily starting to move forward to the conclusion of season four. Once this wraps up, I'll be taking another break from this story, just as a heads up.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! See you next time~!

"Remind me again how I let you talk me into this?"

"Because," Pidge almost chirped, "-we're friends, duh."

"I don't think friendship is worth _this_." Kethe dryly remarked, picking at the edge of the ridiculous costume Pidge had somehow managed to convince him to wear. It didn't help that both she and Matt were wearing the same kind of costume.

At least there was enough room for his tail. He hated the feeling of it being cramped.

"It's okay, Keith." Matt patted his shoulder. "Nobody can win against Pidge."

He grunted in agreement, letting the green paladin haul them both off to the photo booth. Going to the carnival hadn't exactly been in his plans, but somehow, Pidge had talked him into that too.

"We're not showing this to Regris, though." Kethe mumbled. "Or any other Blades."

"Deal." Pidge said. "I'll even throw in not showing it to Lance if you smile."

Kethe just snorted, but still complied. Granted, said smile was beyond awkward- it was more like he was awkwardly baring his teeth than actually smiling. But it seemed to make Pidge happy, so as far as he was concerned, that was good enough.

"Too bad Shiro has to work." Matt observed once they had taken the photo. He seemed content to remain in his goofy costume for a little while longer. "He could have been in the picture with us."

Kethe couldn't help but laugh at the mental image. Shiro? Wearing one of these ridiculous costumes? That he would pay to see.

Maybe Matt was fine with staying in costume, but Kethe was already removing his. He didn't know if he could handle anyone he knew seeing him in it. He was already getting enough odd looks just due to the fact that he was Galra. In spite of Coran's reassurances that people from all across the galaxy came to celebrate the Clear Day festivities, he was still the only Galra around.

He'd asked Regris if he wanted to come, but he'd declined. Probably for the best- _any_ Blade seeing him dressed like this would be mortifying, but Regris would be the worst.

Folding the costume over his arm, Kethe paused to adjust his braid. He had thought about inviting x, but he wasn't sure if the clone was quite ready to meet him face to face just yet. Besides, this didn't exactly seem like his kind of scene.

"He said he'd catch up with us once he's done." Kethe said, pulling his jacket back on and clipping his belt back around his waist. "The princess, too."

"I'm just glad _I_ could get some time off." Matt said. "Olia's been keeping us all pretty busy lately. Mostly scouting work."

"Wish I could say the same." Kethe said. "I've practically been dying of boredom. Nobody's letting me do _anything_."

"Is that why you've been bothering me in my lab so much?" Pidge asked, having already changed out of her own costume, eying Matt with a frown. "You planning on changing anytime soon?"

"I don't know, I kind of like it." Matt shrugged. "It's cozy."

"Suit yourself, but I'm pretty sure the photographer wants his costume back." Pidge pointed out, jerking her head in that direction. Sure enough, the photographer was eying Matt impatiently.

Giving him a nervous chuckle, Matt hurriedly stripped out of his costume, handing it back to the waiting photographer. Kethe just grinned, his tail flicking in amusement. He'd noticed, he just had decided not to say anything.

"Anyways, Shiro says that as soon as we build up the Coalition enough, Voltron will make it's next move." Pidge said. "So you shouldn't be bored for long, mister hotshot pilot."

Kethe tilted his head at the nickname, but eventually just shrugged his shoulders. He had come to accept the fact that the other paladins would periodically make references that he just didn't get. It was part and parcel of the whole pseudo-amnesia deal.

He guessed it really was _pseudo_ -amnesia, since he hadn't exactly _forgotten_ anything, so much as his memories had been stripped from him and shoved into a clone of him. And sure, it had the same overall effect as actually _having_ amnesia, but at least with amnesia, there was a chance he might get his memories back on his own.

Like this? Not so much.

"Hope so." Kethe said. "Zarkon's not going to be distracted by Lotor forever."

"Talk about your _family feud_." Matt quipped.

Fighting back a snort, Kethe ducked his head. That was such a bad joke that he didn't want to be caught dead laughing at it.

As they weaved through the booths, Kethe hung back a bit, listening to Pidge and Matt banter. It wasn't that he was avoiding in taking part- it was just that sometimes he simply preferred to listen, content to let the siblings quarrel. He had been distressed the first time they had started to bicker, under the impression that they were having a serious fight, only to be informed that this type of quarrel was common amongst human siblings, and usually had no real lasting effect on their relationship.

He wondered if maybe they could be like that- him and the clone. They weren't exactly siblings, but it felt nicer to think of him that way. Watching Matt and Pidge interact... it made him feel like it would be kind of nice to have a little brother.

Or twin brother? A younger twin brother? Granted, they didn't look _that_ much alike anymore, what with one of them being human and the other being Galra. But he guessed there were twins like that.

Lifting his head, Kethe came to a halt. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he caught sight of Hunk, in the gap between the booths. Doubling back, he confirmed that it was the yellow paladin, and what's more, that he wasn't alone.

Pidge blinked, noticing that he had ceased to follow them. Looking up at him, she then curiously peered through the crack herself. "What's-? Oh."

Matt, not one to be left out, peeked through the crack too. "Oh, hey! Is that x?"

"Seems like it." Kethe remarked. "Guess Lance and Hunk must have talked him into coming."

"Huh." Pidge frowned. "Well, good for him, I guess."

Drawing away, Kethe gave them a weak smile. "Come on, we should leave them be."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Pidge agreed. "Wouldn't want to overwhelm him."

"I was thinking more along the lines that it was better if he didn't see me." Kethe said. "But that's a good point too. I'm actually kind of surprised that he's even _here_. He seems kind of..."

"-skittish?" Pidge finished, to which he nodded. "Can you blame him though?"

Kethe just shook his head. He had only spoken with the clone that one time, but he'd gotten impressions of him from the other paladins and Coran- mostly Coran. "I might not remember much of my time as a Galra captive, but what I do remember was pretty bad."

"What they feed you alone constitutes a war crime." Matt remarked.

Pidge just frowned. He suspected she didn't like being reminded of the fact that her brother had been a Galra prisoner. It probably just reminded her of the fact that she still hadn't found her father. He kept an eye on the prisoner logs the Blade recovered just in case, but there was still essentially no trace of Sam Holt.

"Anyways," Kethe said, hurriedly changing the subject, "-if he's here, that's a good sign, right?"

"Pretty much." Pidge agreed. "Unless Lance just dragged him out here."

"With Hunk around? No way." Kethe shook his head. "He wouldn't let him."

"Mm, good point." Pidge agreed. "But you're right, we should probably leave them alone."

Kethe gave her a faint smile, taking another peek through the crack. The clone looked like he was talking to Hunk about something, but with all the extraneous noise from the carnival, he couldn't make out what. Still, it was good to know that he was starting to open up a little.

He knew how it felt to feel like you didn't belong. To feel like you weren't part of the group. He'd felt that way too.

But he was- and so was the clone. He just needed to take the time to understand that.

"Now come on," Pidge grinned, grabbing both him and Matt by their arms, ready to haul them off to who knows where, "-there are dangerous, poorly constructed carnival thrill rides that have my name all over them. Let's go ride some!"

"Wait," Kethe interjected, "-what do you mean, _poorly constructed_?"

* * *

He woke feeling refreshed.

It was a strange feeling, to not be _tired_. He was so used to it, that the absence of his own exhaustion seemed strange, _baffling_ , even. Even the deep bags under his eyes, a constant reminder of his own poor state, seemed like they were a little lighter that morning.

It dawned on him as he was looking at them that he was looking in the mirror.

Blinking, he drew back, staring at his own reflection. At his borrowed face. His feelings towards it hadn't changed, but just like the bags under his eyes, it felt like they had become a little lighter.

He didn't fully understand _why_. All he had done was play a carnival game. It couldn't be that easy, could it?

Turning on his heel, he glanced out of his bathroom, peering at the orange lion plush still resting on his bed. Still there. So yesterday hadn't been some kind of a dream.

He doubted it was. His dreams were _never_ that nice.

Returning to his bedroom, he scooped up the orange lion. Looking at it closer, it was kind of shoddily made, like whoever had been putting it together was just trying to make as many as possible, instead of just focusing on the quality of what they were working on. Its eyes weren't symmetrical, its paws weren't level, and its tail had been sewn on upside-down. No store would ever sell it. It was a flawed, failed product.

It was perfect.

He was a flawed, failed product too. A clone that hadn't even been able to accomplish the mission that it had been created for. But he was starting to think that maybe it wasn't just out of the niceness of their hearts that the paladins were keeping him around, nor was it just the fact that he held the memories of their own red paladin.

It was something else. Something _more_. He didn't know enough to put it into words just yet, but maybe he'd get there.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts. Turning on his heel, he frowned, before setting the tiny orange lion back down on his pillow. "Yeah?"

A few seconds later, Hunk stepped in. He was holding a tray with something that smelled like porridge on it, a faint whiff of cinnamon- or the closest thing space had to it- drifting from the bowl.

"Oh hey!" Hunk beamed. "You're up!"

He just blinked, staring at him. "Yeah? It's morning."

"I mean, you didn't answer when I knocked an hour ago, so I thought..." Hunk trailed off, before shaking his head. "Anyways, I brought you your breakfast! I had to heat it back up again, but I promise it'll still be just as good."

He had been by here before? He frowned, his brows knitting together. He didn't remember hearing anyone knock on his door. He was almost positive it would have woken him, but he also didn't see any reason why Hunk would lie about it.

He guessed he really had slept pretty soundly.

He also abruptly realized that Hunk was waiting for some kind of a reply. "Uh... thanks?"

Hunk beamed even brighter. "Come on, sit! I'll set everything up."

Chewing on his lip, he watched as Hunk set down the tray, staring at him expectantly. "Actually," he began, before he could change his mind, "-I was thinking about maybe eating in the kitchen today?"

"If that's okay." He was quick to add, still terrified that he might overstep his boundaries somehow. That maybe he had misread the situation after all.

Hunk stared at him, and he inwardly cursed. Of course he'd misread the situation. What had he been thinking? It wasn't like he had any social skills to speak of. He could barely interact with _children_.

After what seemed like several excruciatingly long seconds, Hunk shook off his stupor, beaming so bright that he almost seemed to glow. "Sure, yeah, that'd be great! But uh, why the sudden urge?"

He frowned, gaze darting down towards the floor. He didn't know why, exactly. Maybe it was just something about yesterday's events that made him feel a little bolder. "I just- Coran invited me the other day."

He winced. That wasn't actually a reason.

But that didn't seem to bother Hunk at all. Instead, he just scooped up the tray, still smiling broadly. "Well hey, that's great! Come on, I'll walk down with you. You know, if you want."

"I do!" He said quickly, before he flinched, wondering if he had come on too strong. "I mean... yes?"

This was harder than he thought.

"Well, glad to hear it, buddy." Hunk said. "You okay if there's other people there? I think Lance and Shiro were there last time I checked, which was like, what, six minutes ago? Maybe seven? Anyways, what I'm saying is, they're probably still there, if that's you know, okay with you."

_Was_ it okay with him? He had to think about it. Fidgeting with the hem of his tunic, he turned it over in his head, before he slowly nodded. The whole point of this was to try and test himself- running away just because he might have to deal with more than one person sounded, well... kind of pathetic.

And while maybe he wasn't exactly clear on the whole who he wanted to be thing yet, he was pretty sure _pathetic_ wasn't it.

* * *

Today, Hunk thought, was going to be a good day. There was a spring to his step as he walked, occasionally glancing back just to make sure that x was still there.

"So," Hunk began, "-how are you liking life on the Castle?"

X just shrugged. "It's an improvement."

Mm. Guess he got the habit of making understatements from Keith.

"Yeah, yeah, guess it would be." Hunk agreed. He didn't really feel the need to get into _that_ particular heavy topic first thing in the morning, and he got the feeling neither did x. "So... did you catch any of last night's air show?"

X blinked, peering at him from behind a certifiable waterfall of bangs. "I fell asleep. Sorry."

"Hey, it's cool." Hunk said. "You had a busy day. I get it. Sometimes when we wrap up a big mission, I know that all I want to do is snooze until Sunday."

Tilting his head, x peered curiously at him. "How would you even know it's Sunday?"

"Just, you know... a figure of speech." Hunk told him.

A look of understanding dawned over the clone's features, so much like Keith's own that it momentarily gave him pause. "Oh."

Hunk managed to give x a weak smile. It was weird. Keith didn't exactly possess human features anymore, but their expressions were still practically the same. Somehow he thought it was better not to mention that, though. X needed time to establish himself, and comparing him to Keith wouldn't help with that.

"Anyways, maybe you'll catch another." Hunk told him. "Coran's got a few more slated."

X just hummed. "I know."

"Oh yeah, guess you would." Hunk said. "Seeing as you're working with him and all. How is that, by the way?"

X frowned, considering the question. "It's fine."

Oof, this was awkward. Somehow it was easier to talk to him yesterday, but he guessed they also sort of had more to talk about, what with the carnival and all. Still, he was making progress. X hadn't run away yet, and they were almost to the kitchen, so he was just going to consider that a victory.

Now if they could just work things out between him and Keith...

Entering the kitchen, Hunk paused. Lance and Shiro were both there, right where he left them, but neither of them were looking at him, or even each other. Instead, they were looking below the counter, before they slowly pulled their gazes up, looking towards Hunk, a pair of strained smiles mirrored on both of their faces.

"Uh, what's...?"

From behind the counter, a familiar tail flicked briefly into view, and Hunk felt the world drop out from underneath his feet. Oh. _Oh no_.

Seconds later, x peeked into the kitchen and the tail vanished. Keith must have heard them coming, but hadn't had enough time to get out of the kitchen. Then again, there was only one exit, so it would have been impossible for him to leave without x seeing him.

"Hey, x!" Lance greeted the clone, and Hunk had to bite back a groan. Could he sound more nervous? "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Uh," x blinked, suddenly uncertain, "-am I... am I not allowed to be here?"

Shiro being Shiro, he recovered from the shock quickly. "Of course you are."

X chewed on his lip, not seeming convinced. Still, he nodded after a moment, shuffling past Hunk to make his way into the kitchen. He took a seat at the counter- on the side opposite from Lance, Shiro, and apparently, _Keith_ \- thankfully enough.

Hunk shook off his own shock, making his way into the kitchen behind him. Placing the tray down in front of x, he tried to resist the temptation to peer over the counter and confirm what he knew already. There wasn't exactly anyone else on this ship that had a tail, not since Regris had lost his. Not unless Pidge had snuck in a new critter of some kind, and while he wouldn't put that past her, he didn't think that was what this was.

"So," Shiro began, "-I hear you went down to the carnival with Lance and Hunk last night."

X stared at Shiro for a long moment, like he was shocked he was even being spoken to. Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah. They invited me."

"Well, I hope you had a good time." Shiro told him. When he smiled, it was completely sincere, but somehow that only managed to put x more on edge.

"Um," x's gaze darted downwards, fixing on his porridge, "-yeah. It was okay."

"Pssh, just okay?" Lance snorted. "You should have seen his face when he won that carnival game, Shiro. He was grinning like a complete idiot."

X frowned, glaring at Lance. "I wasn't grinning like an idiot."

"There's no shame in getting excited." Shiro assured him. "I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself."

Hunk smiled, using the chance to duck around to the other side of the counter. Peering down, but trying to not make it, you know, _too_ obvious that he was looking at someone, he quickly confirmed that yep, that sure was Keith down there, hiding in between Lance and Shiro's seats. He was wearing casual clothing, leaving no room for the option of just slipping on his Blade mask and remaining anonymous. The red paladin glanced up towards him, giving him a sheepish expression, silently muttering the words _help me_ under his breath.

Right. He had to figure out what to do with this.

X had just decided to leave his room, which was _huge_. Now wasn't exactly the best time to spring Keith on him.

"So," Hunk began, "-how's the porridge?"

X started, seemingly realizing that he hadn't taken a single bite yet. Looking sheepish, he hurriedly removed the lid, shoving a spoonful into his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Keith crawled to the edge of the counter, apparently ready to bolt the moment he had the chance.

"It's good." X mumbled, his gaze still fixed on the bowl.

"Yeah?" Hunk asked, making his way around to the other side of the counter. Putting his big body to work, he used it to block the clone's line of sight to the door. Hopefully he didn't it casually enough that he wouldn't notice. "I tried putting in this spice I got at the Olkari markets. It tastes almost exactly like cinnamon."

X glanced up at him, frowning a little. Inwardly, Hunk flinched, wondering if he'd noticed something, but to his great relief, he quickly looked back down at his porridge. "It's nice. Thanks."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shiro shift a bit in his seat, possibly nudging Keith. Taking that as a sign, the red paladin bolted, disappearing from the kitchen faster than he thought possible.

If not quite fast enough. X blinked, lifting his head. "What was what?"

"What was what?" Lance asked.

"That." X frowned, his brow furrowing. "Something just went by."

"Nothing went by." Lance said quickly. Maybe a little _too_ quickly, since x just locked eyes with him, skepticism laced in his gaze.

"I thought I saw something." X said.

"Maybe the Castle is acting up a bit again." Shiro said smoothly. "I should probably tell Coran to keep an eye out. Hopefully it's nothing serious."

X's frown deepened, but he seemed to accept that. Either that or his hunger won out, since he spent the next few minutes slowly consuming his porridge. He nearly finished it this time, Hunk noticed- his appetite had steadily been improving ever since he'd come out of the pod. It was a good sign that his recovery was progressing smoothly.

He definitely looked a lot better, Hunk thought. His skin had a little sun on it, where before it had been so pale it was nearly translucent. He was still pretty skinny, but a week's worth of food wasn't going to do a whole lot to combat that- nor was a week long enough for him to really start developing any muscle tone. But the bags underneath his eyes were a bit lighter, and his eyes were-

...okay, so his eyes still didn't catch light _quite_ right. But he was more used to it. Sure, it had been just a tad creepy at first, but hey- it wasn't a big deal when it came down to it.

"I guess _someone_ was hungry." Shiro joked.

Lance rolled his eyes, groaning. "See, it's when you say stuff like that, that you sound exactly like somebody's dad."

Shiro just frowned. "I don't think I sound that much like a dad. Hunk?"

"Nope, sorry Shiro, I'm with Lance on this one." Hunk told him. "That was a total dad line."

Shiro looked a little betrayed, but he was pretty sure he wasn't being serious. "X? What do you think?"

X blinked, once again startled that someone was actually talking to him. "Huh?"

"He wants to know if you think that sounded like a dad line." Lance said.

"Oh." X's brow furrowed. "Maybe?"

"And that's good enough for me." Lance grinned. "See? Total dad line."

Shiro just chuckled. "If you say so. So, you got any plans for today, x?"

"Uh," x hesitated before answering, "-I guess I was going to help Coran?"

"Solid plan." Shiro nodded. "I've got a riveting day of revising speeches ahead of me. I've got to come up with something that will really inspire people to join the Coalition."

"Yeah, it's a good thing we finally managed to talk Coran out of those ice shows he wanted to put on." Hunk said, not even fighting the urge to groan. "I mean, I don't even know how to skate."

Lance just rolled his eyes. "Pssh. You guys are just lame. I think the ice shows would have totally been cool."

"Lance, if I wanted to make a fool out of myself on ice skates, I could do that back home." Hunk pointed out, ignoring the pang the words _back home_ brought him. "I don't see how me falling on my ass would do anything to inspire the Coalition's faith in Voltron."

X snorted- loudly. Noticing everyone's eyes on him, he flinched, ducking his head. "I- sorry. I shouldn't have laughed."

"Hey, it's cool." Hunk assured him. If picturing him making a fool out of himself on ice skates was what it took to get him to laugh, then you know what? He was fine with that. He could probably use one.

"Yeah, no one's going to get mad at you for laughing." Lance said. "Besides, trust me, I've _seen_ Hunk fall on his ass, and it's hilarious."

Giving Lance a warning glare proved ineffective, because the blue paladin just shrugged it off. "What? You have to admit, it's pretty funny."

"Okay, you two," Shiro cut in, "-let's maybe stop throwing the word _ass_ around already."

"Oh come on, Shiro." Lance rolled his eyes. "It's not like there's any children around."

X shifted in his seat, before peeking out from underneath his bangs. "Well," he began, pausing to nervously lick his lips before he continued, "-technically I'm not even a year old, so..."

Did he just? He did! Unable to stop himself, Hunk _beamed_. "You made a joke!"

Gaze darting up towards him, x slowly nodded. "Is that allowed?"

"Why wouldn't it be allowed?" Shiro asked.

"I don't know." X admitted. "It's just... when I was a prisoner, sometimes I'd get punished for talking."

"Punished?" Shiro asked, concern evident in his voice. "Punished how?"

For a second, Hunk thought he wouldn't answer. X's fingers dug into the hem of his tunic, fidgeting with the material. "Um, sometimes they'd withhold food. Or water. Sometimes both."

Hunk felt a pang of sympathy for the clone. No wonder he had been so malnourished when they had found him. Those were lousy conditions to live in.

"Well no one is going to do that here." Shiro assured him. "I promise."

X swallowed, his gaze darting downwards. "Then is it okay if I ask a question?"

"Of course." Shiro smiled. "Ask anything you want."

Drawing in a deep breath, the clone almost seemed to brace himself. Looking up, he locked eyes with Shiro, forcing himself to hold it there.

"Keith's avoiding me, isn't he?"

* * *

The silence was nearly deafening. He already regretted asking, but he forced himself not to break eye contact with Shiro. He needed to know.

Finally, Shiro heaved a long sigh. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" He asked. "If he's not avoiding me, then why haven't I seen him?"

He watched as the paladins all exchanged glances. Shiro stood, giving him a weak smile. "How about you and I take a walk?"

He frowned. "Can't we just talk here?"

"Sure, we can do that." Shiro told him. "But there's something I want to show you."

He blinked at that. Something he wanted to show him? For a second he thought he meant Keith, but no- that would be some _one_ , not some _thing_. So what...?

"Okay," he swallowed, unsure if he'd regret this or not, "-yeah, sure."

He felt like he _should_ trust Shiro, but he knew that was just Keith's memories talking. He didn't have that same kind of bond he did with the black paladin. Just because he looked like Keith, and had Keith's memories, didn't mean that he automatically got that bond by default.

Still... this was _Shiro_. And his impression of Shiro thus far was a man who had been frank and honest with him, who had assured him that he wasn't going to hold what he was and who he was made by against him. He hadn't really believed it at the time, but he felt like he could believe it a little better now.

Shiro nodded. "Glad to hear it. Don't worry, it's not too far. And I'll answer any questions you have on the way."

"We'll just clean up here." Hunk said. "Right, Lance?"

"Huh?" Lance blinked, before shaking off his stupor. "Oh, uh, yeah. Sure thing, buddy. You two go have a fun walk or whatever."

Watching as Lance hastily scooped up his and Shiro's plates, he carefully slid out of his chair. He hoped Coran didn't need him for much this morning- he wasn't sure how long this walk of Shiro's would take, or if he'd even be in the mood to work once it was done. Looking up, he noticed that the black paladin appeared to be patiently waiting for him.

He exhaled. Right. He didn't need to rush.

Coming up beside Shiro, the black paladin offered him another smile, this one stronger than before. It was sincere- or at least, it _felt_ sincere. His frame of reference wasn't exactly great.

"So how are you adjusting to life on the Castle?" Shiro asked once they had left the kitchen.

"Hunk just asked me that." He stated. "You could just ask him."

Shiro just chuckled. "Maybe. But I want to hear it from you."

Falling into step behind him, he considered it. He had given Hunk a hasty answer, not wanting to drag the topic on, but he felt he should give Shiro something a little more substantial. "It's... something I never thought I'd be able to experience. I thought-"

He closed his mouth, unable to finish that sentence.

"You thought you would die a prisoner." Shiro finished.

He blinked, looking up at him. "How did you-?"

Shiro just offered him another weak smile, holding up his right arm. "I was one too, you know. It's hard not to think like that sometimes."

Oh. A look of understanding dawned across his face. Right. He'd almost forgotten. It was just... Shiro seemed so composed, that it was hard to think that he had ever been held prisoner by the Galra. Especially when compared to him.

"How do you," he began, "-how do you handle it?"

"Day by day." Shiro told him, rubbing his right wrist with his left hand. "Hour by hour. Minute by minute. It's not easy."

He wanted to say that he made it _look_ easy, but he stopped himself. That... didn't sound like the right thing to say. At least, he didn't think he'd like it if someone said it to him.

Shiro looked back towards him, slowing down his pace so that they were side by side. "You'll get the hang of it. It just takes time."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel that way." He admitted. "When I think about how I wouldn't exist if not for them, I..."

He stopped himself. What if Shiro didn't want to hear about this? Hadn't they left the kitchen with the intention to talk about Keith? Why would Shiro want to talk about him? Why would _anyone_? He was just-

"It's alright." Shiro reassured him, carefully resting his hand on his shoulder. He froze a little at the touch, but didn't move to push him away. "Go on."

He swallowed, glancing down at Shiro's hand. His touch was gentle- that was another thing he didn't have any experience with. He was used to _rough_. The kind that left bruises in the shape of handprints on his shoulders and wrists- sometimes even his throat.

_Gentle_ felt nice.

"I know what I am." He half-mumbled. "I'm just a tool. And a defective one at that."

Shiro frowned. "Nobody here thinks of you like that."

Yeah. He was starting to get that. But it still didn't change the fact that, "-but _I_ do."

Shiro paused. "Is that what Haggar told you?"

"It's just the truth." He stated. "I was created for one reason, and I couldn't even do _that_. She should have just scrapped me then. I don't know why she didn't."

"You're not just something that can be _scrapped_." Shiro told him, his tone insistent.

He just stared up at him. "It's not like I'm a real person. I'm a clone, Shiro. _I_ don't exist."

For a long moment, Shiro did nothing but stare at him, before he drew in a deep breath. Carefully placing his other hand on his shoulder, he locked eyes with him. "But you do. Right here, right now. _You_ exist."

He tore his gaze away, staring instead at the floor. "I don't even know who that is."

"Then figure it out." Shiro told him. "Nobody knows who they are at first. It takes time. You have that now."

He made it sound so simple. From anyone else, it would sound almost patronizing- he was talking about things he didn't understand, could _never_ understand. But coming from Shiro, everything sounded possible.

He might have Keith's memories, but they lacked any emotional context. Even so, his trust for Shiro had shone through- and he was starting to understand why.

Shiro smiled at him, patient and understanding, _kind_. It was similar, but it wasn't... it wasn't the same smile he'd seen in Keith's memories, the one that had been reserved for him. It wasn't one that he recognized at all.

Oh. It was for _him_.

He swallowed. Bit his lip. Wanted to look away again. But he didn't.

"I don't... I don't even have a name." He finally managed. "A real one, at least."

_X_ wasn't a name. He knew that. It never would be.

"That's something we can work on." Shiro assured him. "I'm sure if we work together, we can come up with something that will suit you."

He wondered what it was. When he said that, he felt like he could believe him.

The smile he gave in return was weak, hesitant- but it was still there. "I'd like that."

"Good to hear it." Shiro said. "Now, what was it that you wanted to ask about Keith?"

* * *

It took awhile for x to properly form his question.

There was a _reluctance_ to the clone that Keith never had. Even back when they had first been getting to know each other, before he'd gained Keith's trust, the younger boy had never exactly been hesitant to speak his mind. But if what the clone said was true about the punishments he had received while he was being held in captivity- and he had no reason to doubt it- then he had good reason.

It only made him wish they'd found him sooner. He shouldn't have gone through the things he had. No one should have.

"You said he's not avoiding me." X said slowly, one hand fidgeting with the hem of his tunic all the while. "But I haven't seen him yet. So if he's not avoiding me, then why...?"

Avoiding him. He wasn't surprised that the clone had come to that conclusion. And in a sense... yes, Keith _was_ sort of avoiding him, just not for the reasons he might think. It wasn't that Keith didn't want to meet him- he did, he wouldn't have asked Coran if he could bring his food up to him that one time if he didn't want to meet him at all.

Still, that had been too close of a call earlier. If x was starting to gather the courage to roam the ship on his own, then they'd meet before long. It was better that he be prepared for it when they did.

"Pidge told me that she mentioned his amnesia to you." Shiro said.

Nodding his head, x peered up at him from underneath his mess of bangs. "Yeah. That's why I have," he motioned towards his head, "-them all in here, right? Haggar gave me them."

"That's right." Shiro told him. "According to Allura, you're likely a vessel of some kind of Keith's memories. It's an old Altean ritual, just... not one that was meant to be used like this."

His words were frank, but the got the feeling the clone appreciated a certain level of frankness. It was something he had in common with Keith- they both preferred direct honesty over beating around the bush. Even if said honesty could sometimes be painful.

"Altean?" X asked, apparently taking the idea that he was a _vessel_ in stride. But then, he had just admitted to the fact that he regarded himself as a tool- a view he hoped that they might be able to change with time. "Why would Haggar be performing an Altean ritual?"

Shiro blinked. "Oh, right. Guess you wouldn't know. We think Haggar's Altean."

"Wha- she's _Altean_?!" X blurted out, eyes wide with surprise. "I thought... why would she be working with the Galra?"

"It's a long story." Shiro told him. "I could tell you it if you want, but..."

X just shook his head. "I'd rather hear about Keith."

Shiro nodded. "That's what I thought. We think Haggar planned to use you to infiltrate the Castle of Lions."

X nodded. "I know that much."

Right. Of course he did. He tried not to dwell on just how long he'd lived with that knowledge- possibly all his life, or at least, ever since he realized that the memories in his head weren't actually his. He couldn't even imagine what it was like.

Probably no one could.

"Well, we think she had her own plans for Keith." Shiro stated, before coming to a halt, glancing back down at x. "You and Keith- you're both part Galra. You know that, right?"

X looked up at him, momentarily shocked, before he slowly nodded his head. "They called me _halfbreed_ a lot. It was hard not to."

Shiro winced. He guessed having Galra blood didn't exactly make life in Galra prison any easier- not that he thought it would. He knew how obsessed with purity the Galra could be. He could only imagine how reviled a halfbreed _clone_ would have been.

It also answered the lingering question of whether Keith had known he was Galra prior to arriving on the Castle of Lions. If it was something the clone had only heard about during his captivity, then the answer to that was a resounding _no_. He tried not to think how much of a shock it had to have been for Keith. If his hunch was right, that was a memory lost to the sands of time- neither the clone nor the original seemed to possess it.

"I just... I didn't think _you_ knew." X admitted.

"Oh, trust us, we've known for awhile." Shiro told him. It was kind of hard to miss Keith being purple, after all. "I don't suppose anyone mentioned who it was that rescued Keith?"

X shook his head in response. Right. He didn't think so.

"It was a Galra named Ulaz." Shiro told him. "He was part of the Blade of Marmora. You know who they are, right?"

Again, x nodded. "They're rebel Galra. Coran told me about them."

"Right." Shiro stated. "Well, after that, Keith didn't join back up with us right away. He stayed with the Blade of Marmora. He's a member, actually."

X peered up at him, blinking in confusion. Slowly but surely, a look of understanding drew across his face. He stopped in his tracks. "Wait, so... is he-?"

"The Galra you met?" Shiro finished, offering him a faint smile. "That's him, alright. I _did_ say he wasn't avoiding you."

X stared at him, searching his face for any trace of this being some kind of bad joke. When he found no sign that it was, he simply continued to look baffled. "I- but he had a _tail_."

Shiro chuckled. He remembered saying the same thing to Hunk, what felt like ages ago now. "That he does."

"I don't understand," x pressed, "-that's _not_ what I remember."

"I imagine it's not," Shiro told him, "-seeing as it's a recent development."

He watched as comprehension washed across x's features, followed by a wave of guilt. His facial expressions really did play out almost exactly the same as Keith's, and it felt almost like having a cheat sheet to what he was feeling. It also made him feel like he was taking a shortcut in getting to know the clone, which... didn't feel all that great, if he was going to be honest.

He wanted to encourage x to become his own person, but it was impossible _not_ to compare him to Keith. Even if he'd gotten used to Keith being Galra, seeing his human face again just brought everything back.

But that was _his_ issue. He'd deal with it himself. The clone had enough on his plate already without having to worry about someone else's problems.

The same went for Keith.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" X asked.

"It's not-"

"Don't lie." X cut him off. "Please."

Shiro sighed. "I promise, it's not because of you. Haggar did this. The fault lies with her."

X didn't look convinced, but he also didn't think it would be that easy. Sometimes he still blamed himself for not being able to protect his crew- even though he knew there was nothing he could have done to keep them safe from the Galra. That the blame for what had happened on Kerberos rested solely with the Galra Empire.

_Keith_ , on the other hand...

He tried not to dwell on that. That lingering guilt was just another thing he would deal with on his own time.

X shifted on his feet. "So... he's Galra?"

Shiro shrugged. "He's always been Galra. He just looks more like it now."

"Is that why he doesn't take part in the air shows?" X asked. "Why people think the princess is the red lion's paladin?"

"That's part of it." Shiro told him, once again opting to not mince words. "Keith... he thinks the universe isn't ready for a Galra paladin just yet. I disagree, but the decision's ultimately up to him."

X said nothing to that, instead just staring down at his feet. He didn't blame him. It was a lot to take in.

Finally, he peeked up again. "So... you said you want to show me something?"

"That I did." Shiro nodded. "If you're still feeling up to it, that is."

He seemed to consider it, before finally nodding. "Sure, why not?"

The rest of their walk was done in silence. He kept an eye on x the entire time, just in case he changed his mind. Just because he was getting a little better at speaking his mind didn't mean he always would. The last thing he wanted to do was force him into an uncomfortable situation.

Once they drew closer to their destination, x shifted on his feet, frowning. There was badly disguised recognition in those eyes. "Where are we going?"

Shiro just smiled at him. "You'll see."

He suspected he already knew. He did have Keith's memories, after all. He was probably familiar with the layout of the Castle, given that he had been able to make his way down to the lower deck with the pods. The Castle of Lions wasn't the easiest place to navigate- without something to guide you, it was fairly easy to get lost.

Not that it had ever happened to him.

(It had. He was pretending it hadn't. He had a reputation to keep.)

He kept an eye on the clone, searching for any signs that he might want to back out. And while there was hesitation, there was nothing to indicate that he wanted to turn back, so he pressed on. By the time they were standing outside the door to the red lion's hangar, he was pretty sure he had resolved himself to see things through.

Still, he waited. He wanted him to comfortable- or as comfortable as he possibly could be. "You ready?"

* * *

The red lion was like nothing he could have imagined.

He had memories of it, sure. They might not be _his_ , but he still had them. But just like they hadn't come anywhere close to preparing him for his first steps on an actual planet, they did nothing to actually prepare him for seeing the red lion with his own eyes.

"Pretty impressive, huh?" Shiro asked.

Flinching, he jerked back to look at Shiro. He had almost forgotten he was there, even though he was the one who had brought him here. Shifting on his feet, he looked at him with uncertainty. "Is it okay for me to even be here?"

Shiro shrugged. "I don't see why not."

He opened his mouth to remind him of just what he was, before he promptly closed it. He didn't get it, but he knew that Shiro- and likely the other paladins- didn't see him the same way he saw himself. He couldn't understand _why_ \- what was he if not a tool?

But... it was nice. It made him feel like he could maybe believe it, at least a little.

"What about Keith?" He cautiously asked. "What if he's not okay with me being here?"

Honestly, he was still sort of trying to wrap his head around just what Shiro had told him. It wasn't like he hadn't know that Keith was half-Galra- _he_ was half-Galra, so it was a foregone conclusion that his source material was as well. He just... he hadn't expected him to _be_ Galra. At least, not physically.

He was sort of getting a picture of just what it was that Haggar wanted now. He was more grateful than ever that her plan hadn't worked out.

He wondered what it would be like if it had. If he had believed he was Keith. Would he be one of them now? Or would the red lion see right through him, even if no one else could?

Looking up at it, he could believe it.

"I'm sure Keith's just fine with it." Shiro assured him.

"But what if he-"

"It's fine."

The sound of the voice alone made him freeze. He recognized it. Of course he did. He heard it every time he opened his mouth to speak.

Slowly but surely, he turned on his heel. Standing behind him, with his arms folded in front of him, was a Galra, a braid of black hair looped around his neck. He was wearing a red and white jacket that clashed with his purple fur. A tail twitched behind him, drawing nervous circles on the floor, even as golden eyes met his, outwardly confident.

It lasted for maybe all of two seconds, before an awkward smile took its place. Extending his arm, he gave him an expectant look.

"I'm Keith."


	6. ??? side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro just stared at the empty hangar, before heaving a long suffering sigh. Guess that roar hadn't been his imagination.
> 
> "Right. Should have guessed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, at the end of abyss of being! I was planning on it including Naxzela and being another chapter longer at least, but I felt it was better to end it here. But never fear! The fun filled events of Naxzela will be covered in a future update- why, the very next one, in fact! So, you know, look forward to that! I'll take another brief hiatus from this story before I return with the next entry, so stay tuned!

"I'm Keith."

For a few ticks, all the clone did was stare blankly at his hand. Kethe felt his stomach twist, wondering if he had misread the situation. Then, with the utmost caution, the clone finally took it. His grip was lax- he couldn't tell if it was just from nerves or lack of muscle strength- or possibly both.

"I'm your clone?" He said weakly.

"I've heard." Kethe said, releasing his hand. It hung awkwardly in the air for a tick, before he dropped it by their side. "You came to see the red lion?"

The clone shifted on his feet, anxiously digging his fingers into the hem of Olkari tunic. His anxiety was almost palpable, and internally, he couldn't help but wince. He hadn't meant it that way, but his question might have come across as an accusation. "I just- I don't- I don't _want_ it, I just-"

Heaving a sigh, Kethe folded his arms in front of him. "It was Shiro's idea, wasn't it? Knowing him, he probably forced you into it."

He shot Shiro a look at that, who merely quirked a grin. This guy... he knew he'd be here. He'd done this on purpose. He'd told him that much when he had swung by the kitchen after his morning training. That hadn't even been one varga ago, so there was no way he'd forgotten.

"I wouldn't say I _forced_ him," was all Shiro had to say in his defense. Figured.

"Then it's fine." Kethe simply said.

"Are you sure?" X asked. "It's your lion, and I'm-"

He didn't finish that sentence, but it wasn't hard to guess what it was he wanted to say. It was a fair point. He'd been worried about it too. Honestly? He still kind of was. In spite of Allura's reassurances, in spite of _Red's_ reassurances, he still dreaded that there was still some chance that his entire world could be ripped out from underneath his feet yet again.

And this time he wouldn't even have the luxury of not remembering.

If there were any silver lining to his memories being stolen, it was that it had allowed him to embrace being Galra with no real preconceptions. It was true that once he learned what a Galra was, he had realized his captors had been Galra too- but he knew just as well that so were those who had helped him- had _saved_ him. Thinking about Ulaz was still painful, even though it had been phoebs now since his death. He missed him- him and Antok, who was the first Blade he had met that wasn't Ulaz. He'd never met Thace, but he wished he had. Regris would talk about him sometimes- about how Kolivan had held him in high esteem.

(He was so glad he hadn't lost Regris too.)

"I'm sure." Kethe said, allowing himself the slight lie. The clone needed it more than he did. He might not remember, but he didn't think he'd ever been this... this _fidgety_ , or this anxious. It was like someone had grabbed a few of Hunk's personality traits and mixed them up with the rest of him, but he guessed trauma would do that to a person.

Again, he was beyond lucky to not remember much about his imprisonment- or his transformation, for that matter. Just looking at his human clone, he could guess that it had been traumatic.

Suddenly he understood the looks of horror on the paladin's faces when they saw him without his mask for the first time a little better.

X looked up at him, clearly doubtful. "You don't have to lie to me."

Kethe narrowed his eyes. Was he that easy to see through? Or was it because the clone had his memories?

Heaving a short sigh, Kethe glanced up at Shiro. "Sorry, but do you think you could leave the two of us alone for awhile?"

It was clear that the two of them needed to discuss things. But he just... he got the feeling it was better if they did it alone.

For his part, Shiro just gave him a considering look. "You're sure?" He asked, before clarifying, looking down towards the clone. "Are _both_ of you okay with that?"

Kethe blinked, glancing over towards the clone. He hadn't stopped to consider if the _clone_ would be fine with it- but instead of looking hesitant like he thought he would, he just nodded his head. "It's fine. I think he's right. This is something we can only resolve by ourselves."

Shiro stared at them both for a tick longer, before he heaved a sigh, holding up his hands in defeat. "Alright, that's fine. I'll be just outside the hangar if either one of you decides you need me. You two have a good long talk."

Kethe gave him a faint smile. "Thanks, Shiro."

Shiro responded by wordlessly ruffling his hair, ignoring his grumble of protest. He took a moment to fix it, watching as Shiro left the hangar, the doors shutting behind him. Only then did he shift his gaze back to the clone, who caught it out of the corner of his eye, looking back at him as well.

An awkward silence hung between the two of them. He knew they needed to talk, but suddenly he couldn't think where to start. He had put off thinking about it, and now that the time was actually here, everything just seemed so sudden.

"I guess this isn't actually the first time we've met." X finally said.

Kethe shook his head. "No."

"Shiro told me about what happened. At least, some of it." X said. "I guess you know about me too, huh?"

"I've heard a few things." Kethe shrugged, trying to make it sound casual. "I was there when Shiro rescued you, so... kind of hard to miss."

He kind of regretted destroying the prison satellite now, but he hadn't been thinking straight. Pidge had assured him that she'd been able to recover all relevant data, but he still couldn't help but worry that there was something more they had yet to uncover, something they had missed. Why had Haggar abandoned the clone? Wouldn't it be faster to just kill him, if he wasn't what she wanted?

Did his own rescue have anything to do with it?

"Oh," x blinked, "-I was kind of unconscious for most of it. I don't really remember."

Kethe frowned at that. It was hard not to remember how close to death the clone had looked when they had first brought him to the Castle. The pallor the healing pod had cast on his skin definitely didn't help. "You were in pretty bad shape."

"Wasn't exactly popular." X mumbled.

Another awkward silence settled between the two of them, leaving Kethe at a bit of a loss. He kind of wished he had actually taken the time to rehearse this or something. He just... he didn't expect to be drawing as much of a blank as he was.

Looking up, his gaze settled on the red lion. An impulsive thought popped into his head, and he chewed on his lip, debating as to whether or not it was actually a good idea. Leveling his eyes with those of the red lion's, he tilted his head, silently asking for her opinion. He almost thought she would reject it- he remembered how defensive she had been around Allura for those first few movements after he returned to the Castle, like she was somehow afraid the princess would steal her back from him. It was only when she understood that wasn't the case, that she allowed Allura inside of her again.

Instead, the red lion softly purred, encouraging him. Heaving a short sigh, he rubbed the back of his neck, looking back towards the clone. He was staring at his feet, considering his toenails like they were the most fascinating things in the world, which Kethe sincerely doubted.

If Red herself said so, guess he might as well give it a try.

"You want to go in?" Kethe asked.

Startled, X jerked his head up, staring at him in disbelief. "In... you mean the red lion?"

"I don't mean the blue lion." Kethe told hm. "I mean, you don't _have_ to, but-"

Fidgeting with the hem of his tunic, x stared at the red lion. "Are you sure? It's your lion."

It was an echo of his earlier question, one that he hadn't properly answered. Frowning, Kethe considered his words. "Honestly? Not really. Part of me is still worried that you'll steal her from me."

X looked equal parts shocked and horrified, his eyes wide. "I- no. I wouldn't."

Kethe held up his hands, cutting off further protest. "I know."

X stared at him, perplexed. "You know? I thought you said that you-"

"That's just a part of me. The rest of me knows it's stupid, that I'm worried for nothing. The lions don't work that way, and it's pretty obvious that you don't want to steal anything from me." Kethe told him.

"I don't." X shook his head. "Believe me, I don't."

Kethe studied him, tilting his head. Somehow, talking felt a little bit easier now that he had gotten that off his chest. "It wasn't too long ago that I was debating if I should leave Team Voltron and go back to the Blades. I felt like I didn't fit in, didn't belong."

X's brow furrowed. "But you're- you're _supposed_ to be here. I'm not."

Kethe just shrugged. "Yeah, but it didn't feel like it at the time. If you heard about me from Shiro, then you probably know I don't have any memories from before Ulaz rescued me."

X nodded. "Pidge mentioned it."

Kethe quirked a faint grin at that. Right. He'd nearly forgotten that Pidge had just blurted it out. Leave it to her to be as blunt as possible. "Well, it's true. When Ulaz took me in, I had no idea who I was, or even what my name was. I didn't even know I was _Galra_."

"Hell, I didn't even know what a Galra _was_." Kethe continued, letting out a faint laugh. "Ulaz gave me a name and a place with the Blades. I was taught I was Galra. Didn't have any reason to think otherwise. And then I find out several phoebs later that I'm actually part human? That I used to be a paladin? I didn't know what to think."

"I spent _phoebs_ with the Blades building up my own identity from nothing," he said, "-only to have that shattered. Told I was someone else. Not Kethe, but _Keith_."

"Oh," x whispered, realization washing over his features, "-you get it."

Kethe gave him a weak smile. "Maybe not entirely. But... yeah, I do."

X chewed on his lip, his gaze shifting back towards the red lion. "It's in your memories," he told him, "-but actually seeing it, it's... it's nothing like I thought it would be. Better."

"Red's pretty impressive." Kethe earnestly said. "And flying her? It's amazing."

X glanced back towards him, seeming to consider something before he finally spoke. "I don't have any emotional context for your memories. It's... part of what tipped me off that they weren't mine in the first place. But..."

Gazing back up towards the red lion, he stared at her in rapt fascination. "...but I know that much."

Kethe simply stared at him for a long moment, before he too, turned to look at the red lion. "Red was always the only thing that felt _right_. When I was flying Red, I didn't have to think about anything else. Not about who I was, or where I came from, nothing."

"And now?" X asked, looking back at him.

"Now?" Kethe considered it. "Now I know that _I_ have a place here. I don't need to be anyone else. I just have to be me."

X's gaze lingered, a certain yearning in it. "That sounds nice."

Closing his eyes, Kethe smiled. "Yeah. It is."

"Do you think," x chanced, "-do you think I'll ever get there?"

Opening his eyes, Kethe stared down at him. "I don't know. But I think you won't find out unless you try. At least, that's what someone told me."

"Sounds hard." X observed, his lips curling in a tight frown.

In spite of himself, Kethe snorted. "It's super hard. I fought _Zarkon_ , and it's still the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Mm," x hummed, "-sounds about right."

"You don't have to do it alone." Kethe told him. "The paladins are... they're weird like that. Supportive. They accepted me even when I wasn't entirely sure who that was."

For a long moment, x did nothing- then slowly, a smile formed on his lips. It was soft, gentle, and quickly hidden by a mess of bangs. "Yeah. I'm starting to get that."

He cracked a smile of his own, folding his arms in front of him. "So- how about it? You want to try," what was that phrase Lance had taught him, "-and take her for a spin?"

He swore the clone nearly choked, staring up at him in sheer disbelief. "You're asking me if I want to _fly_ her? I can't- I don't know _how_ to-"

"You have my memories, right?" Kethe asked. "Means you should know how to fly."

"I- sure." X said. "But I've never actually-"

Again, Kethe just shrugged. "There's a first time for everything. I didn't remember how to fly at first either, but my body did."

In the back of his mind, Red purred, seemingly pleased. Though she had assured him that he would always be her true paladin, he hadn't exactly missed her curiosity in regards to the clone either. He didn't think she would let him pilot her on his own- but with him around? The idea amused her.

And somehow... getting it out in the open had lessened his own paranoia. It sounded silly now, that this clone who wanted to find his own place in the world just as desperately as he once had, would ever want to do it by _stealing_.

He could have. He could have lied to Haggar. Could have stolen his entire identity, his life. Maybe not his lion- what the paladins couldn't see through, she would be able to. But everything else? He could have taken it.

Instead, he'd rejected it. He'd been given everything that he once had been- his appearance, his memories... but he didn't want it. Probably all he wanted was to find his own self. Someone who was _more_ than just Keith Kogane's clone.

"What," Kethe began, glancing down at him, the tip of his tail twitching in playful circles," -don't think you can do it?"

X glared at him. "Is that a challenge?"

"Don't know." Kethe shrugged. "Might be."

X narrowed his eyes, the hard set of them instantly familiar to him. And yet at the same time, it was different, and not just because he looked so much more human. Just in the same way that he wasn't quite the person he'd once been, the clone too, was similar to that person, but different. Who knew? Maybe in time, he'd change even more, become someone completely unrecognizable.

But for now, they were still similar enough for him to know that he hated to lose. Lance's carnival story had been proof enough of that.

"Fine," x said, "-I accept."

* * *

Shiro just stared at the empty hangar, before heaving a long suffering sigh. Guess that roar hadn't been his imagination.

"Right. Should have guessed."

* * *

The red lion was _fast_.

He knew that much from his not-memories, but it was a lot faster than he had anticipated. He almost regretted stepping into its cockpit so soon after breakfast.

Almost.

It was such a rush, that it left him doubled over in the pilot's seat within ten minutes of sitting in it. Keith lingered beside him, visibly concerned, but he held up a hand, slowly drawing in large gulps of air, trying to steady the pounding of his heart, set aflame by the adrenaline coursing through him.

Sure enough, his skills as a pilot were nearly non-existent. He knew how to fly in theory- but he'd never done it before. He didn't have the reflexes, or even the physical strength necessary to truly fly the lion, and he suspected that it had been aiding him all the while, though he had no way to confirm it. It had let him sit in the pilot's seat, and had indulged him enough to allow him to fly, but he couldn't _feel_ the red lion, not in the same way Keith had been able to in his not-memories- and probably still could now.

But still, it was... closing his eyes, he leaned back in the pilot's chair, his hands slipping from the controls. It was _amazing_. He'd never experienced anything like it.

He wanted to do it again.

"I think," he mumbled, peeking an eye open, "-I think I want to fly."

It was his own desire. Maybe it was influenced by the parts of him that were Keith, but he felt it so strongly, so sharply, that it couldn't be anything other than his own.

Keith blinked, before cracking a grin. The contrast of his white teeth against the violet of his fur made his fangs seem more pronounced. "Maybe you should ask Coran to start you off with something a little more tame. Like a pod."

Staring down at his hands, which were still trembling from the amount of exertion just ten minutes at the controls of a lion had taken, he hung his head. Maybe the first thing he should focus on was getting his body into shape. Months of malnourishment on top of severely limited physical activity hadn't done it any favors. "Yeah. That's probably fair."

Keith just huffed, leaning back against the seat, his arms folded in front of him. "Guess you enjoyed it."

"I think I understand why you loved it so much." He told him, clenching his fists.

"Still do." Keith told him. "Don't need my memories to know that much."

Lifting his head, he looked up at him. "So... how much _do_ you know?"

Keith shrugged. "Bits and pieces. For a long time, I wasn't comfortable with people bringing up my past. I'm... still not one hundred percent there yet, actually."

He frowned, furrowing his brows. "Don't you _want_ to know?"

Narrowing his eyes, Keith stared down at his hand. His claws weren't as wicked as some of those he had seen on other Galra- more like really sharp nails. "It's... complicated."

Looking back down at his own hands, his pale skin and overgrown yet blunt nails, he frowned. "Yeah. Guess it would be."

"At least people can tell us apart." Keith said.

"I admit, I was wondering why nobody was confusing the two of us." He said. "But it still feels _wrong_. You should be the one with this face, not me."

Keith just snorted, folding his arms in front of him again. "A phoeb in, Hunk showed me my old face by accident. I nearly had a panic attack. So no, I'm good."

He winced. If there was one thing he could understand, it was having a disconnect with your appearance. His face might be borrowed, but he'd also never had another one. This _was_ him- but at the same time, he was also someone else- or _looked_ like them, at least.

"So... complicated." He said.

"Complicated." Keith echoed. "It's still complicated. Kind of a work in progress."

Pulling his legs up to his chest, he curled his toes around the edge of the pilot's chair. Keith hadn't asked to take it back yet, so for now they were just sort of coasting through empty space. The red lion was flying, he guessed.

"Do you think it'll ever stop being one?" He asked.

"Don't know." Keith admitted, his tail idly twitching behind him in thought. He couldn't help but watch it. It looked a bit like a lion's tail. "Maybe... maybe it's _supposed_ to be this way. Maybe nobody really _stops_ looking for who they are. We just got thrown off track."

He opened his mouth to say that he'd never even _been_ on the track, but closed it. There was almost something comforting in the idea that this was _normal_ \- this search for identity, for belonging. That everyone went through it- and most importantly, that nobody ever stopped looking for them. It made him feel a little less alone.

There probably wasn't anyone like him in the entire universe. A clone, one who had been implanted with the stolen memories of his source material. There probably wasn't anyone quite like Keith either- the closest they came to having someone who understood what they were going through was, ironically enough, each other.

But even so... he closed his eyes, thoughts drifting to the paladins, to Coran- probably even the princess, though he hadn't really had a chance to speak with her yet. Even so, there were people who tried to understand them. Who reached out to them.

He was a clone. He'd been made for one purpose, and had failed even that.

But maybe... maybe he could find a new one. One that was all his own.

That would be nice.

Opening his eyes, he looked back up towards Keith. He was watching him- even without any pupils, it was still somehow obvious. He wondered if the transformation had hurt.

Probably. If he knew one thing about Haggar, it was that she wasn't kind.

"So... what are we, exactly?" He finally asked.

Keith just shrugged. "Don't know. I kind of expected you would hate me."

"I kind of thought that too." He admitted, giving him a weak smile. "Do you?"

Keith considered it for a moment, before shaking his head. "No. Do you?"

He had to think about it too. _Did_ he? It was true that there was probably a small part that resented him- but in a way, the person he resented most only existed within the memories in his head. And even then... he'd been through a lot. Since the memories had been implanted, each one was crystal clear- including ones he was pretty sure Keith would rather forget.

Ironic, considering he had.

"No." He finally said. "I don't."

"I bet if Shiro were here, he'd tell us we have all the time in the world to figure it out." Keith remarked. "He's probably pissed I took the red lion out."

He winced. Yeah. He could sort of imagine that. He wasn't exactly guiltless in all this either, and if he knew anything about Shiro- which he _did_ , thanks Haggar- then he knew he wasn't about to overlook that either. "Maybe we should avoid going back to the Castle for a little longer?"

"He'll probably come after us soon enough." Keith shrugged. "We can do whatever. Red's content like this too."

He frowned, idly stroking the edge of the pilot's chair. He couldn't hear her, so he'd just take his word for it. In a way, it was almost a relief that he couldn't. He might look like him- or look as he once did- but he wasn't him. The red lion recognized that.

But it didn't seem to hate him either. He knew the lions had sentience, so he knew it must be aware that he was an imposter designed to take the place of its paladin- and yet, it hadn't rejected him. He didn't know why- but somehow, that made him kind of happy.

"I didn't realize it at first," he began, unsure of what prompted him to speak, "-that I wasn't you. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what."

"What changed?" Keith asked.

"Things didn't add up." He told him. "At first, all I knew was that I had been captured by the Galra- or I _thought_ I had. But there's not much to do in those cells _but_ think, and Haggar was running all kinds of tests... eventually I just started to piece it all together."

"I thought... at first I thought she had done something to me." He said. "Which I guess she did, she made me. Just not what I thought."

Keith hummed. "So what made you realize you were a clone?"

He looked up at him, holding up his hands. "I'm not ambidextrous."

Keith blinked- then blinked again, before letting out a sharp bark of laughter. "I'll admit, that's _not_ what I expected."

He frowned, bristling a bit at his reaction. "What? Don't tell me you never noticed anything weird about yourself."

"For me, it was the tail." Keith confessed, the aforementioned appendage flicking into view. "I could barely even walk without assistance for the first two movements. Nobody at the Blade exactly kept it a secret that my anatomy had been altered. I just didn't realize how much."

He hummed, studying him. "You don't look that different. Just purple. And fuzzy."

"I think Haggar probably wanted to take it farther." Keith observed. "If things had gone the way she had wanted them to..."

He clenched his fist, a complicated expression surfacing on his face as he stared down at it. "You'd be me, and I'd be... someone else entirely, I guess. Someone that was loyal to the Empire."

A shiver ran down his spine. It was obvious what Haggar's original plan had been, when he combined what he knew with what he had learned. That didn't make it any less frightening. She would have used him to infiltrate Voltron and tear them apart from the inside, while she would have used Keith to attack them from the outside.

Together they would have destroyed Voltron- and probably themselves. Nothing more than sacrificial pawns.

"Does it ever scare you?" He asked. "Knowing what could have been."

"It scares the shit out of me." Keith stated frankly.

"Yeah," closing his eyes, he fought back a shudder, "-me too."

* * *

Sure enough, Shiro lectured them both when they returned to the Castle. They had each only half-listened to it- something about putting x in harm's way by letting him do something as reckless as fly the red lion while he was still in recovery. But at the end, Shiro had smiled, asking if they had worked everything out.

They didn't know. They both admitted that much. It would probably take a little longer to figure out where they stood with each other. Shiro just ruffled their hair, told them that was fine. That they had all the time in the world to figure it out.

He didn't understand why they both laughed.

* * *

"What about Gerald?"

"How about _no_?"

Lance frowned, shooting him a dirty look. "You don't have to shoot down _all_ my suggestions, you know."

He just shrugged. "You could try suggesting something that doesn't suck."

"Yeah, he's got you there, sorry bud." Hunk admitted. "Anyways, I vote for Noah."

He considered it. It was better than any of Lance's suggestions, but it still didn't feel right. So she just shook his head.

Four days had passed since he had spoken with Keith. It had taken him that long to work up the courage to bring up the fact that he wanted a name of his own again. In his defense, he'd meant to bring it up a bit sooner, but with all the Coalition work going on, it never seemed like there was any time. He'd been kept pretty busy himself- there were no shortage of air shows to put on, and when he wasn't helping him with that, he was familiarizing himself with the Castle- on his own this time.

Still, when he had brought the subject up to Shiro, he'd thought... he didn't know. Maybe it would be just him and Keith, trying to work it out. He didn't expect _everyone_ to be involved in choosing a name for him.

But everyone it was. They had all gathered in the lounge- it wasn't even just the paladins. Allura and Coran were there, and so was the Blade known as Regris. Only Pidge's brother Matt was absent, too busy with work to be disturbed, though he had apparently thrown Pidge the suggestion of _Matthew Junior_ when she had contacted him about it.

(He'd turned it down, of course.)

"I personally think Yorak would suit him." Regris suggested, only to find several sets of blank eyes turned towards him. "It is a perfectly serviceable Galran name."

He just frowned, squinting at him. He didn't know about having a Galran name- he didn't think he _looked_ Galra enough for one. "I don't know. I think I'd prefer a human name."

"Ugh," Lance rolled his eyes, "-look, you have to pick _something_."

"He can take as much time as he needs to come to a decision." Shiro said. "Don't rush him."

He looked over towards Shiro, grateful, which the black paladin returned with a smile. Exhaling, he looked back at the crowd gathered in the Castle's lounge- all of whom were here for _him_ , he realized with a jolt. The feeling it brought was so overwhelming, so vast, that he struggled for place just what it was.

Happiness, he realized suddenly. He was _happy_.

Oh. It was... it was nice. Nicer than he could have ever imagined. Ducking his head, he fidgeted with the hem of his tunic, for a second too overcome to do anything else.

"You okay?"

Looking up, he met Keith's gaze. There was a faint smile on the red paladin's face, and a look of understanding in his eyes- he wondered if he'd experienced this same feeling of inclusion. He must have, based on what he had told him.

"Yeah," he replied, "-I'm fine."

"Good." Keith said. "Now maybe Lance can stop fooling around and come up with some actual suggestions."

Lance made a squawk of protest. "I've been making excellent suggestions!"

"The first name you threw out was _Eugene_." Pidge pointed out.

"Okay, fine, so that one was a joke." Lance said, rolling his eyes. "But I've been serious about the rest of them!"

"I know some wonderful Altean names that would suit you just fine!" Allura interrupted like she couldn't hold it back any longer, all but brimming with excitement. He almost hated to shoot her down, but somehow he didn't think one of those would suit him either.

"No offense princess, but like I said, I think I'd prefer something a little more human." He told her. "But thanks anyways."

Allura deflated, nearly seeming to pout. "Then what on Earth did I even come here for? I do not know the first thing about your Earth names."

"I guess you could consider it a lesson in Earth culture." Shiro told her, before looking back towards him. "How about Josh?"

He must have made a face, because Shiro just arched a brow. "Okay, maybe not Josh."

"What, you don't have suggestions of your own, mullet?" Lance asked, glancing back at Keith. "He's _your_ clone, maybe you could pick out something he actually likes."

Keith just shrugged. "I'm just as familiar with Earth names as Allura is. Besides, it's not like we're the same person or anything like that."

"Mm, yeah, fair point." Hunk admitted, folding his arms in front of him. "All I can really think of are really traditional Samoan names. Which, they're great names and all, but Keith's not exactly _Samoan_ , so..."

"Yeah, what _is_ Keith anyways?" Pidge asked. "I mean, _other_ than half-Galra, obviously. Shiro, do you know?"

"I always assumed he was at least part Japanese," Shiro said, "-but I never really asked."

Everyone turned to look at Keith, who just shrugged. "Don't look at me."

Everyone turned their eyes towards him next- and he flinched underneath their gaze. Ducking his head, he rubbed his foot against his leg, unable to help _but_ think about it. He knew the answer, after all.

"Only a third." He mumbled, eyes darting up towards Keith, wondering if it was okay for him to be talking about this. He hadn't said anything to stop him, but... "But he was born and raised in Texas."

"Wait," Lance said, "-Keith's from _Texas_?"

Keith just frowned, but looked otherwise unbothered. "I guess? What's Texas?"

Lance groaned, rolling his eyes. "What, do we have to teach you geography too? That's like my worst subject!"

"I thought your worst subject was math." Pidge said.

"We can talk about who gets to teach Keith geography later." Shiro said, before that conversation could get any farther. "Let's just stay on task for now. But thanks," he said, looking towards him with a faint smile, "-that helps narrow things down a little more."

His eyes darted briefly towards Keith, who caught his gaze and merely shrugged. Only then did he let himself exhale. They had discussed a lot of stuff in the red lion, but they hadn't breached the subject of his not-memories- it had been brought up a few times, but he sensed they were both hesitant to go into any depth about them just yet.

One thing at a time.

"It is so quaint that your planet has so many different countries." Allura observed, then apparently thought better of her statement. "In a good way, of course."

"Not to say Altea wasn't without it's own unique regions, each with their own dialects!" Coran chimed in. "Why, when I was a lad, I used to-"

"Let's maybe save that for another time Coran." Shiro cut him off. "We don't want to get distracted."

Coran blinked. "Oh, right. Yes, of course. My apologies."

He just managed a weak smile. He had been working with Coran for long enough to know just how easy it was for him to take off on a tangent. "It's okay."

"I don't really know any Japanese names, though." Pidge admitted, Lance and Hunk nodding in agreement. "Shiro?"

Shiro merely cocked a brow. "I think I know a few."

"Well don't be shy, man!" Lance told him. "Let em rip!"

Heaving a sigh, Shiro turned towards him. "Do you want to hear them? Remember, this is all up to you. Don't let us pressure you into something you don't want."

Chewing on his lip, he slowly nodded. He still wasn't totally used to making decisions of his own, but working with Coran over the past few days had helped a little. "Yeah. Sounds fine."

Shiro just smiled, and began listing off a few names. He listened at full attention, even if he wasn't sure what he was listening _for_ , exactly. He had never thought about _names_. It had all seemed kind of pointless before- what point was there in picking out a name for himself when nobody even knew he existed? Nobody was coming for him- for a long time he just thought he was going to rot away and die in that cell.

But he'd been found. He was _free_ now.

Freedom was... freedom was complex. He had to think about a lot of things now. Things he hadn't needed to consider while he had just been a prisoner. Complex things like identity, simple things like a favorite color, and things that were harder to define- like a name. It sounded like it should be something simple, but it was proving to be otherwise.

Maybe Lance was right. Maybe he _was_ just picky.

It was just... it was _his_ name. He'd never had one before. How was he supposed to know what he wanted? Sure, he could always change it later, but...

"-hi, Akira, To-"

"Wait," He stopped Shiro, looking up, "-go back."

Shiro blinked, but indulged him. "Hiroshi?"

He shook his head. "No, the one after that."

"Akira?" Shiro repeated. "Do you like that one?"

 _Akira_. He shaped the letters silently. It sounded... he wasn't sure what, but something about it sounded _right_. Swallowing, he hesitated for the span of a second, before he drew in a deep breath, squaring his shoulders.

"That one." He said. "I think- I like that one."

"Akira." Shiro repeated, before slowly smiling at him. It sounded more right the second time. "You're sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It sounds right, I think."

Shiro's smile only grew. "Guess it's settled then. Why don't you introduce yourself to everyone?"

Just like that. Like they hadn't just spent the past half hour tossing around names. It felt... it felt too easy, almost. Even though he thought it would be at the start, now the ease of his choice felt almost strange. But he didn't think it was wrong.

It just felt _right_.

Drawing in a deep breath, he slowly rose to his feet, facing the waiting crowd. He was only really looking at one person. He hadn't had a name to give before- but he did now. "I'm Akira."

Across the room, Keith met his eyes. "Nice to meet you, Akira."

Akira felt himself smile. There was still so much that was uncertain- but right now, he wasn't thinking about any of that. Right now, in the moment, the future seemed bright, limitless- so much so that he could barely stand to look at it.

But he didn't look away.

"Yeah. It's nice to meet you too."

* * *

abyss of being

(akira) side


End file.
